I wanted so much to just not come back on here but when Im
literally on the floor crying so hard that I cant even breathe.
Holding my chest trying to hold my insides together. All I could do
was think of how much comfort I would have felt if you were simply
just sitting next to me. I know its bad but literally in the mdidle
of one of my break downs and I cant stop wondering on how different
things would be. Smoked almost a whole pack to myself. Havent
touched alcohol but trying to stay high. Cant. Function. Im so
scared of Jacobs surgery. Been scared. Cant eat. Cant sleep. You
probably dont want to know this but Jon has no idea how to comfort
me. No idea what to do once I break down and cant stop crying. He
literally carried me to the bath tub today and got me in the bath
because I couldnt stop crying. Riding with Barbara, Gma Wanda and
Ashlynn to his apt and Im trying to keep back the tears but they
just keep slipping. I dont know what to do. (Tues @4:50 am)