of my grandfather and my
mother getting all the sympathy for my grandmother's death.
I've gotten a handful of hugs and sorry's for my loss
from people, and have otherwise been completely ignored. I lost
someone too. I lost a woman who comforted and inspired me in
ways my own mother couldn't. I lost a person who loved me
and took pride in me unconditionally. I lost a close relative
and a true friend. My life was the way it was partly because of
her, hell my existence was largely because of her, and now it
will never be the same without her. I do not mean to sound
entitled or selfish, I am aware and do not feel that this is a
contest of who is suffering more deeply, and it's never
been about getting attention, but I am alone in my particular
form of grief and that loneliness has been intensified by
people's lack of simple consideration. It bothers me to no
end that my mom has been showered in gifts and keepsake memoirs
and kind messages (has anyone ever thought that maybe I'd
like a wax-dipped rose or a framed photograph too? Or perhaps a
phone call to check in?) and my granddad gets all the praise
for sharing articles and songs on Facebook that I posted and
mentioned first. Writing and talking about ideas is a way for
me to express myself, it is my outlet to release emotions, and
I feel that that's being taken from me because he has to
swoop in and steal my thoughts. Yes, I didn't know my
grandmother as long as either of them and didn't get to
spend as much time with her as they did, but that's merely
a consequence of my age, my relationship to her and my living
arrangement, none of which were ever in my control. She was
still immensely important to me, as I was to her. People need
to stop acting like my grandfather and mother were the only
ones who loved her, the only ones who were loved by her, the
only ones who were by her side when she took her last rattling
breath. I'm just as hurt and scarred by this, maybe even
more so because I am much younger and previously unaffected by
this kind of event in life, and therefore unable to process it
as easily.I suppose it doesn't matter, everyone is going to
eventually stop actively caring about how we're all
dealing, anyway.
