To pinch and poke and examine was just my nature
I was a scientist, my body was a great experiment
yet I feared manically that it was failing.
Acid climbed my throat
Pennies were dropped in a bucket
I felt itchy where I could not scratch
and my biggest aspirations were pushed aside.
I had to give all of myself to The Great Experiment,
even if I was dying.
I changed profession.
I am distant from that now, I swear, I am, I
All habits dropped, says the brave face.
I'm not dying, but I am lying.
Rare calculations still flutter in the brain
The balance in my mind is too quick to see what's
too much, too much, too much, you daft girl
The bruises on my knees and elbows reappear.
I clench my fists to remind me my hands can create beautiful
I stomp feet to to feel the floor, I am here and I am
I close my eyes to picture a place where I am happy without
I take deep breaths because my lungs work despite my reckless
cruise to ruin myself.