ten confessions. as per amenah's dare.

1. I'm bi at the moment, but I believe that sexuality is fluid. I'm scared that eventually I will become straight and then my mother will have confirmed her own belief that I am but confused.

2. Everybody I like pushes me away, and I push away anybody that likes me. If you have ever wanted a recipe for sadness, that is it.

3. I am scared to like a straight girl, so I stop myself from liking any girls at all.

4. I can actually surpress my emotions so well it scares me. I was head over heels for this guy, but I eventually convinced myself I couldn't like him anymore, and I just stopped. I killed my stomach's butterflies.

5. I feel like there's something seriously wrong with me, but I'm too scared to try to figure out what it is.

6. When I went through a low, I would be fine when I was with people but impossibly sad when I was alone. Everything is the other way now.

7. I have had quite a few family members die when I was quite young. I don't really remember them and, consequently, don't really miss them. It's a perfectly logical succession in my mind, but it kills me to admit it.

8. I have spiritual beliefs, but they are all really shaky. The main reason I'm sure I believe in the afterlife is that if I didn't I would die from the inside out.

9. I always say that I don't connect to people my age, but I'm scared that the truth is that I don't connect with people, period. I'm scared that I will go through my life having nothing but unfulfilling relationships with people about whom I don't care at all.

10. Smart is all I have. If, one day, I meet somebody smarter than me, I will be nothing. It kills me that my grade point average is the only thing that gives me worth. But I guess it's better than nothing.

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