Sometimes, I get jealous... somewhat jealous of her.
Because you went back to her so many times...
& you never have come back to me.
But at the same time, I'm grateful.
Grateful because I know that if you ever came back to me,
you would leave again.
And I can't stand to lose you.
The first time was hard enough. 
I couldn't handle losing you, not again.
Lord knows, the next time, I wouldn't make it through it.
But that also hurts.
I just want you forever.
And I find myself so confused.
I love you, but I want to love HIM.
And I'm messing things up with him because 
of this. This confusion. 
I don't want to hurt anymore, I just want to be with him.
Why can't you just leave me alone?
:/