Getting Better
7-2-13
Well, Trevor and I broke up last Thursday.
We got into a HUGGGEE fight Thursday.
But it all started Wednesday night, it was time for our weekly
talk, which I slowly started to dread, and hate, because for the
past few weeks I have been hearing things I don't want
to hear......I just want to make him happy:/
Wednesday, I ended up upset, and Thursday morning I got all his
stuff together, and I took him off my facebook, and asked him
when he wanted his stuff back.. Then I was like.. "So... is
that it?" and he told me how he hasn't been all that
happy lately and how he thinks we don't mix and that we are
too different and we should go our seperate ways. I didn't
want to do that. I wanted both of us to stay so badly.
I told him over and over and over that everything was going to be
okay, that I was going to make it okay, that I would change for
him, that I promised I would make everything better.....But he
was going to leave me..I mean..he didn't even want to be my
friend. At one point he said;
"I don't want to be your boyfriend, I certainly
don't want to be your best friend, I don't even know if I
want to be your friend"
Things got so, sososossosososoososososososo bad, I was bawling my
eyes out, and I couldn't imagine him leaving me after all
this time, after 2 years, talking every day, hugging almost every
day, smiling almost every day, laughing, walking.... I
couldn't do it, I personally didn't think I had the
strength to stand alone without him by my side. It was
terrible.
He was so mad at me......A different mad than I had ever seen
before and it scared me and made me feel so bad.
All day, I never argued back, I just told him to stay.
Eventually, from the beginning of the argument at 12, around 4 ,
(arguing 4 hours straight) I got him to give me ONE more chance.
But it's all on me now to make things better. This is my last
shot. I can't blow it. It's scary and it doesn't make
me feel good.
After that he told me he doesn't love me anymore.
After awhile, he had to eat dinner, and so did I.
I texted him this long thing Afterwards, apologizing for
everything and asked him if we could play that question game that
we did awhile ago to get to know each other better, and we stayed
up until midnight playing that game. Then, he did tell me that he
still does love me..
Then the next morning I asked him if he wanted to hang out that
night (Friday night) and we ended up going to the mall for two
hours that night. We had a lot of fun. We walked around and went
into stores and talked, and laughed, and then ended up at the
food court, where we both got something to drink and sat and
talked for about a half an hour, and it was a great talk, then
his dad picked us both up, and brought me home, Trevor came in
with me and I gave him the things that I bought him when I was on
vacation, we stood on my front porch, said I love you, and hugged
then he left.
He texted me after saying that he had a really great time and
that he missed being an idiot around me in person.. I had fun
too.
Well, our talk is tomorrow, and I hope he hasn't decided to
leave....I can't even......uhg.
I'm just mentally preparing myself for the worst but I'm
hoping for the best. It was only a week, how much better can
things get in like a week?
I don't know.
I hope he stays.
I love him.
I need to make things better.
They will be getting better.
