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Just The Way You Are

Prolouge... again =P
 

 

I'm a hopeless mess. I don't remember how I got here, and I never want to know. I'm… what am I? If you asked my mother she would tell you useless… unimportant… stupid… a waste of space, and until recently I chose to ignore those hurtful words. But then she died. Words you take for granted like a 'hello' or a 'good morning' even the insults and upsetting spats of 'go kill yourself' seem to mean more. I always saw the kids at school, the ones with bruises, and cuts on their bodies. The ones that didn't eat enough, that cut themselves. The ones that we're abused by their parents, physically instead of verbally like I always was. I vowed to myself and my best friend for that matter that we would always be athletes, always eat the right way and the right amount, and more then anything never cause harm to ourselves. No cuts on the inside of our wrists. No rope marks around our necks. Never wish for death rather then take a deep breath and think a logical way out, not a painful one. 

But then you broke that promise. You slit your wrists. You did the unthinkable. You made the red marks against your skin with a necklace of rope. Thats when I realized if one person can break the promise, both of us can. I quickly learned how to pull apart a razor, how to assemble and just as quickly disassemble a noose. A deep breath before you press the cold metal into your skin. Watching as the blood seeps through until you run your broken skin under cold water to make sure it doesn't clot. Then comes the paranoia of someone asking you about the scars. Of someone asking how you got them. And i think thats a good place to start. When you were dead. My father was drunk. My brother was god knows where and I was lost. 

So my name is Annika. I have no sense of what if right and what is wrong anymore. I'm from Longford Ireland, near Mullinger. If anyone asks my family is joyful and happy. My parents love each other, my brother doesn't drink underaged, my mother is not verbally abusive, my father is not an alcoholic, and I'm not depressed. The empty beer bottles everywhere are being dropped off by strangers, my brother is just studying really hard all the time, and the cuts and scars on my wrists are from a cat… My hair falls in long waves of deep brown, and my eyes are a bright crystal blue. I'm not very tall, maybe five foot four. 

I have four people that I truly care about left in this world. The rest of them have slipped from my grip. Died, or don't care anymore. Bella and Julia Tanner, and Niall and Ash Horan. They are probably the only thing keeping me from ending my life at this point. Its weird, my four best friends, only one of them knows whats actually going on. Niall, he's everything, checking my arms once a week, cleaning up the deep cut marks when I come to him screaming. And no matter what not telling anyone, not even his little sister that I sit in my room on a daily basis and contemplate suicide. 


Author's notes~ 

Hey Loves! So as promised its finals week, and I'm going to repost the chapters I've already written, and posted but that was like two months ago at this point... soooooooo hahaha since school is almost over and I have no more homework I'll be writing again! So, I have five chapters written, and I'm working on six, so I'll put up one or two a day until we get to five, and then we'll have the new ones stating with six! 
Thanks for the patience Loves! 


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Just The Way You Are Prolouge... again =P ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

1 faves · Jun 18, 2013 5:12pm

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blah · justthewayyouare · oldchapters · story

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