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PLEASE READ!!

This is just a little blurb i wrote really quick. Im practicing to be a really good writer so please give me feedback if you like this or not? And if i should do more? Thank you so much it would really mean a lot!

I tried everything in my power to make him change his mind. I wanted him to realize that what he was looking for was right in front of him the whole time. But, its not my place to tell him how to feel. All i can do is sit back and watch myself get hurt like an out of body experience. If he doesn't want to hurt me then, why is that all he seems to be doing?
I tried to make him change his mind. Because trying was all i could do. But the result of him not being here tells me i didn't try hard enough. He says "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm not that type of guy" But if you didn't mea to hurt me, what did you mean to do?

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PLEASE READ!! This is just a little blurb i wrote really quick.

2 faves · 3 comments · Jun 16, 2013 4:09pm

by

MissMisty1996

love · life · advice

Picturesque Wonderland.* · 1 decade ago
Don't forget the grammar. Wow this is an old quote, sorry. But um, commenting anyway.
Capitalize your ' i's ', ya' know.
Then, ' I tried to make him change his mind, because trying was all I could do. ' Comma there.
And alast, ' He says, " I didn't mean to hurt you. " Comma there as well.
Overall, I find it really interesting.
0 reply

Onism* · 1 decade ago
It is a good blurb and really creates some suspense as to what he did, however I think you repeated some parts, for example, the 'trying' she did.
Just my opinion though :) You should keep writing!
0 reply

Supergoth · 1 decade ago
thats really good, hoping for a follow up story! xx
0 reply

Witty Profiles

PLEASE READ!! This is just a little blurb i wrote really quick.

by

MissMisty1996

tags

love · life · advice