Friendship. What is 'friendship'? Everyone has a different answer. As for me, I tend to feel like the extra wheel, the friend that walks behind when the sidewalk's not wide enough. That friend. Others just naturally flow around me as I fade. While others joke and laugh, I quietly listen. While others smile and dance, I watch from afar. Yet somehow... it's never bothered me. 

It's as if somewhere, deep in my heart, I'm a loner. I've never really minded others planning their next outing as if they've forgotten I'm there. It gives me time to think, time to be alone. It's rather become part of my identity. Part of who I am. 

I've never had many friends. I've never minded. I never really have fit in, but it never bothered me. I just followed who I wanted to be and I was completely fine with it. My heart was content. 

But about a year ago, I met these amazing girls. They were so easy to talk to and loved to laugh. Just the thought of them made me smile. I'd stated to feel like maybe... just maybe... I was beginning to fit in. 

It was something I'd never felt before, fitting in like so. It was odd, yet not uncomfortable. It, too, became part of me. 

Yet over time, the lonerly ways within me began to awaken once more. Nonetheless, whenever I strayed from my friends, something always called me back. The loner inside me was shoved back into his slumber. Yet he is awakening again, and this time he is stronger than ever before. 

Part of me begins to wonder, if I've never truly fit in, why should this be different? Should I just let myself... fade away? 

I feel beyond guilty by merely thinking such. This is a huge confession. Yet I feel like I'd be better off on my own. I rather... always have. 

These friends mean the world to me. I feel like I'm fighting a battle between the life I was born into and the life that has become mine. What is 'right' and what is 'wrong'? What is 'bad' verses 'good'? What defines 'friendship'?