I haven't been on here in ages and well, a lot has happened. Me and Josh are still together but im thinking about ending it, I'm starting to get depressed and slightly suicidal again, my school is arranging for me to get a councilor, i self harm a hell of a lot more, i'm doing my Duke of Endinburgh bronze award in July, my friends have all changed completley and some of them don't even talk to me any more, one of my friends committed suicide (r.i.p ryan we miss you so much <3 ), and honestly i jsut have no idea what im doing anymore. There is so much sh*t going on in the world right now its unreal and i probably wounldn't be surprised if everything ends soon. I'm too scared to walk out of my own house and im scared of people at school. I have no one to talk to anymore and it's slowly killing me because i spend so much time being used by people just because they need help and i try to keep as many people happy as possible that i have no time to do anything for myself. i try so so so hard to make friends online but NO ONE EVER talks to me. I mean who would even want to? I'm laying on my floor typing this trying so hard not to break down. My best friend hardly talks to me, i have ALL the symptons for bipolar disorder, mum and a friends mum says that there is no way that i am not depressed and i recently found out that i was sexually abused by my brother when i was 4. MY OWN BROTHER. My dad's girlfriend calls me 'it' and some people at school are calling me 'the emo child' im sick of this. I want to end things so so so so badly but i can't. i don't have the guts. i just need someone to talk to.............................



-rant over-