Lost and Insecure

Chapter 11
Things were going really well with Sebastian and me; and it was starting to worry me. In movies this was usually the time that something happens that tars the two apart. I don’t have any experience in relationships and I don’t know if that always happens in really life but it sure seems like it. That’s what happened in all of Spencer’s past loves. Actually this is the longest relationship she’s ever been in. She really loves Logan and I’m happy for them. Thinking about Logan reminds me of Jason. I never see him around school, not that I ever really did, but occasionally Sebastian and I walk by his locker and he’s never there. I don’t ask Spencer or Logan because I don’t want them to think I care about him. I never thought I would be one of those girls that played a guy but that is exactly what I did to Jason and I know it. It’s not like I planned on doing it though, it just kind of happened. I may have started to get a small crush on him but it was always Sebastian that I thought about at the end of the day. Well anyway Sebastian and I are going to the aquarium today and I’m really excited. I walked into my closet and got dressed in something cute. After I got ready I walked down stairs and grabbed my purse. I took out my phone and sat down on the couch. Logan walked down stairs and over to the fridge to get a drink. After he pulled one out he walked over and sat down on the couch that was next to the couch I was on.
“What are you dressed up for?” he asked, taking a sip of him drink.
“Sebastian and I are going to the aquarium today.” I answered.
“Oh. What ever happened with you and Jason?”
“Logan you know exactly what happened.”
“No I mean after you started to date Sebastian. You guys aren’t even friends?”
“He like disappeared off the face of the earth. The last time I talked to him was when I tried to apologize to him on my birthday, and he denied me.”
“Come to think of it, he’s been walking to school lately and acting kind of weird.”
“What do you mean weird?”
“Well he comes home, goes into his room, shuts the door and blasts him music. He usually doesn’t come out till dinner time.”
“Has he ever done it before?”
“No. He really only started doing it after that day we all went out to dinner.” Logan said, still not realizing the truth. He was doing it because of me. I broke his heart. I scarred him for life. Every time he is going to try to date another girl he will think of me and run as fast as he can. I have ruined all of his future loves, which I didn’t even know I was capable of doing before this year. I heard a knock on the door and was so relieved that I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. I jumped off the couch and over to the door. When I opened the door I whispered to Sebastian not to kiss me because I knew Logan was watching us. I closed the door and then I told Sebastian we were good. “That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.” He said as he grabbed my head and kissed me passionately. His tongue touched my lips, asking for entrance, so I opened my lips to it. As he pulled his tongue out he bit my lip and I got the most amazing feeling. He grabbed my hand and walked me to his car. He opened the door for me and I got in, but before he closed it he leaned in and kissed me again. Sebastian drove, with his hand intertwined in mine, and I smiled out the window. When we pulled into the aquarium parking lot Sebastian ran around the car and opened my door. I walked out and then grabbed his hand yet again. We walked around, continuing to hold hands, and looked at all the adorable animals in their tanks swimming around happily. The weirdest thing is, I started thinking about the purpose of life. What is the purpose of life anyway? I thought. In parts of our lives we just do the same exact thing every day. What is the point of life if you are just going to do the same exact thing every day? Wouldn’t you want to change things up, be spontaneous? Get a tattoo, go skinny dipping, cut school, sleep in, miss work, or not answer your phone? I guess there really is no point. Eventually you will burn out, and give up.

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