*When someone walks slower than me*
                 Me: omfg your slow a/s/s is clogging up the hallway for the rest of us
                 Me: put some pep in your step grandma

                 *When someone walks faster than me*
                 Me: jesus christ are you on the run from the police
                 Me: this isn't a race, you can tone it down usain bolt

                 *When someone at the same pace as me*
                 Me: who gave your creepy a/s/s permission to walk with me
                 Me: get the fudge away from me before I call the cops