I'm freaking out. Why am I freaking out? I can't think straight. My mind is a mess. I want to do it again. I haven't since October. I've been doing really good. I'm at my breaking point again but I'm not sure why and that's really scaring me. I've been pretty good at handling the whole mess before but for some reason I'm a mess. It's not even crying. It's hyperventilating and then I get the awful thoughts and then it's back to a giant mess that I don't know what's happening in it. Why am I like this? I don't want to be. I'm scared. I really am. What's become of me?