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So, im basically just writing this as a vent. read on if you care ahaha.
i haven't been on witty in a while. as my friend Erin would say, I'm a "traitor" ahaha, because I've been using tumblr. but trust me, I'll always be a witty girl at heart. Witty has gotten me through so much. part of the reason i havent been on is because of how much i've been going through lately. In september, i met this guy. i never thought in a million years it would end up like this. we dated on and off September-December, but then he started dating someone else and i guess we slowly moved on. I really did love him with all of my heart. We did some pretty horrible things to each other. We hurt each other more than we could even hurt ourselves. Last month, i started dating a junior. (He's 16, I'm 13.) now obviously this would cause some complications with my parents. All though he lived right down the street, they wouldn't let me see him. We'd sneak around behind my parents back just to see each other. I might have really loved him, i might not have. Most of the time i think i dont really know what love is. anyways, obviously not being able to see me didn't make him very happy, and he broke up with me after 3 weeks of us dating. I was so crazy about him. he broke up with me on the bus, and i was bawling and scrapping at my arms like crazy right there on the bus. (I'm a self harmer, but i didnt have anything to use so i ended up using my nails) he didnt even flinch when he saw me like that. it was one of the worst pains i've ever experienced. I blamed my parents for not letting me see him and i ran away until the cops picked me up half a mile down the road. I cried for days straight. i had stopped cutting for a long time, but without my parents knowing, i started cutting again. But you know what? my ex, (the one i dated on & off Sep-Dec.) was there for me through it all like he always was. no matter how much i had hurt him and pushed him away he still came back to me when i needed him. he's still with his girlfriend, but we started talking so much. mostly over text, we'd practically avoid each other in the hallways. We told each other everything. he even told me things that he's never told his girlfriend. a few weeks ago i went to the public library with my friend after school, which is in walking distance from our school, and we were trying to finish homework but we couldnt focus. so, we invited him to come to the library with us. (He lives right next to the school) we hung out and talked and it was nice. he was there for me when i talked to him about my problems. like i said we told each other everything. but somehow something came up that he wouldnt tell me. he told me nobody knew. not a single person knew and no one would know. it would ruin everything. eventually he told me.. that he still loves me. he loves me so much and will probably never stop. i told him i loved him too. because i do. i really do love him with all my heart, even after everything me and him have been through in these past 5 months. He's still with his girlfriend though, and she has no idea. me and him hugged yesterday, and i felt so safe and everything felt like it was finally going to be okay. after i went home he told me that when i hugged him he wanted to kiss me more than anything. i wanted to kiss him too. but he said he doesnt want to ruin his relationship, and im so confused and lost and just want to give up. im literally always second best. i still havent been able to stop cutting. a lot of the time, i want to kill myself. i just realized how long this is. well, anyways.. if you read all of this, i love you. stay strong, and I'm always here for anyone that needs to talk, or who just needs a friend. xx
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So, im basically just writing this as a vent. read on if you

6 faves · 2 comments · Feb 15, 2013 9:47am

Cookiemonster99

by

Cookiemonster99


tags

love · life · hate · want · confused · suicide · selfharm · die

Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted · 1 decade ago
Omg Omg I love how you put me in this <3
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zoelynn · 1 decade ago
I read the whole thing. I know I have no clue who you are and you have no clue who I am. But, if you EVER need someone to talk to, you can always come to me, I am here to help anyone who needs it. <3
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