So, im basically just writing this as a vent. read on if
you care ahaha.
i haven't been on witty in a while. as my friend Erin would
say, I'm a "traitor" ahaha, because I've been
using tumblr. but trust me, I'll always be a witty girl at
heart. Witty has gotten me through so much. part of the reason i
havent been on is because of how much i've been going through
lately. In september, i met this guy. i never thought in a
million years it would end up like this. we dated on and off
September-December, but then he started dating someone else and i
guess we slowly moved on. I really did love him with all of my
heart. We did some pretty horrible things to each other. We hurt
each other more than we could even hurt ourselves. Last month, i
started dating a junior. (He's 16, I'm 13.) now obviously
this would cause some complications with my parents. All though
he lived right down the street, they wouldn't let me see him.
We'd sneak around behind my parents back just to see each
other. I might have really loved him, i might not have. Most of
the time i think i dont really know what love is. anyways,
obviously not being able to see me didn't make him very
happy, and he broke up with me after 3 weeks of us dating. I was
so crazy about him. he broke up with me on the bus, and i was
bawling and scrapping at my arms like crazy right there on the
bus. (I'm a self harmer, but i didnt have anything to use so
i ended up using my nails) he didnt even flinch when he saw me
like that. it was one of the worst pains i've ever
experienced. I blamed my parents for not letting me see him and i
ran away until the cops picked me up half a mile down the road. I
cried for days straight. i had stopped cutting for a long time,
but without my parents knowing, i started cutting again. But you
know what? my ex, (the one i dated on & off Sep-Dec.) was
there for me through it all like he always was. no matter how
much i had hurt him and pushed him away he still came back to me
when i needed him. he's still with his girlfriend, but we
started talking so much. mostly over text, we'd practically
avoid each other in the hallways. We told each other everything.
he even told me things that he's never told his girlfriend. a
few weeks ago i went to the public library with my friend after
school, which is in walking distance from our school, and we were
trying to finish homework but we couldnt focus. so, we invited
him to come to the library with us. (He lives right next to the
school) we hung out and talked and it was nice. he was there for
me when i talked to him about my problems. like i said we told
each other everything. but somehow something came up that he
wouldnt tell me. he told me nobody knew. not a single person knew
and no one would know. it would ruin everything. eventually he
told me.. that he still loves me. he loves me so much and will
probably never stop. i told him i loved him too. because i do. i
really do love him with all my heart, even after everything me
and him have been through in these past 5 months. He's still
with his girlfriend though, and she has no idea. me and him
hugged yesterday, and i felt so safe and everything felt like it
was finally going to be okay. after i went home he told me that
when i hugged him he wanted to kiss me more than anything. i
wanted to kiss him too. but he said he doesnt want to ruin his
relationship, and im so confused and lost and just want to give
up. im literally always second best. i still havent been able to
stop cutting. a lot of the time, i want to kill myself. i just
realized how long this is. well, anyways.. if you read all of
this, i love you. stay strong, and I'm always here for anyone
that needs to talk, or who just needs a friend. xx
Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted · 1 decade ago
Omg Omg I love how you put me in this <3
0 reply