that's what being shy feels like. like my skin is too thin, the light too bright. like the best palce i could possibly be is in the tunnel far under the cool, dark earth. someone asks me a question and i stare at them, empty-faced, my brain jammed up with how hard i'm trying to find something interesting to say. and in the end, all i can do is nod or shrug, because the light of their eyes are looking at me, waiting for me, i just too much to take. and then it's over and there's one more person in the world who think i'm a complete and total waste of space. the worst thing is the stupid hopefulness. every new party, every new bunch of people, and i start thinking that maybe this is my chance. that i'm going to be normal this time. a new leaf. a fresh start. but then i find myself at the party thinking, oh yeah. this again. so i stand on the edge of things, crossing my fingers praying nobody will try to look me in the eye. and the good thing is, they usually don't.