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Imagine...
Imagine deciding to live on.

Imagine fleeing to self-harm, and smoking, even drugs once or twice, if you could get your hands on it.

Imagine deciding to change your image. No more thinkiing out loud, or philosophy, or even complex comments. Imagine studying others.

Imagine discovering the joy of music. Imagine fleeing into this world, using it as your example. copying expressions used in songs, words spoken by your favourite band members, being a tough guy Imagine dressing like a punker, even though you get beaten for it at home, because you want people to respect you at school.

And then imagine your mother coming home.

She's angry at you, while you tried to stay strong for her, while you did everything you can just to stay alive. Imagine that your grades have dropped from A's to D's.

Imagine your parents divorcing, and you learning to hide behind a wall of indifference, of locking away all emotions.

Imagine living like that. NO emotions at all. You keep them stored inside you.

But they build up...

and you let them out.

Imagine cutting yourself, burning yourself.

Imagine hiding the scars, for years.

Imagine your parents divorcing, leaving them both poor.

Imagine your mother without a job, and your father heartbroken.

Imagine time passing.

Stuck in that same situation, for years.

Imagine your grandfather dying.


Imagine yourself at the age of 14.

Imagine, finding a friend.
Imagine, starting to be accepted.
Not as who you are, but as who you pretend to be.

Imagine your mother breaking down again.

Imagine her starting to drink again.

Imagine her being diagnosed with schizofrenia.

Imagine it getting worse.

Imagine her thinking you want to harm her.

Imagine it becoming too much for you to keep on hiding, to keep on storing inside of you.

Imagine your first suicide attempt.

Imagine being sent into therapy.

Imagine the therapist not caring.

Imagine yourself, hiding behind your wall once more.

Imagine your father making career, getting rich.

Imagine your mother with too little money to pay the electricity.

Imagine realising, that's how the entire world works. Some have all, others have nothing.

Inequality is the way society works.

Imagine your second suicide attempt.

Imagine going back in therapy.

Imagine hiding, once more.

Imagine starting to steal things, without value, like paperclips, and pieces of chalk, because you feel like you should.

Imagine having gaps in your memory.

Imagine forgetting all your problems sometimes, and feeling all powerful.

Imagine breaking down right after that, and feel crushed by life.

Imagine not understanding what's wrong with you.

Imagine your third suicide attempt.

Time goes by, and your stuck in your situation

Imagine you're 16.

Imagine meeting your best friends girlfriend.

Imagine falling in love...

Imagine doing nothing, because you don't want to hurt him.

Imagine them breaking up.

Imagine her calling you.

Imagine dating her...

Imagine her breaking your heart.

You were something she needed to get over him.

Imagine your friend not letting  your down, even though you dated his ex, days after they broke up.

Imagine him taking you to therapy.

Imagine it working...

Imagine finally hearing what's wrong with you.

Imagine hearing you think in a different way, which is why others don't understand you, and you don't understand them.

Imagine being diagnosed as hypersensitive, and rating 148 on the Wechsler IQ test.

Imagine being diagnosed with a manic depression, and Kleptomania.

Imagine being diagnosed with a slight form of Schizofrenia, explaining the blanks in your memory, and the hallucinations you sometimes have (Playing imaginary games as a 12 year old, for example)

Imagine your therapist having a baby, sending you to a replacement therapist.

Imagine yourself, behind this computer, writing out everything that went wrong in your life, asking people to imagine what it would be like.

And imagine starting to feel better, finding strength in the friends you have made, the music you play, the hobbies you have.

Imagine still being crushed, by the problems at home, by your problems at school, by the problems in the world.

Imagine finding true happiness in helping others...

Imagine being me.

 
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Imagine... Imagine deciding to live on. Imagine fleeing to self-harm,

24 faves · 32 comments · Jan 23, 2013 8:14am

FrankConnor

by

FrankConnor


tags

story

RadioCatastrophe · 1 decade ago
haha i have a quote for that too..."if youre not getting in trouble youre not living life"
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
You have a point there
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RadioCatastrophe · 1 decade ago
i dont think kristoff learns well in a class room...i think he has to actually experience things for himself. and i think a teacher really hurt him when he was younger and thats kinda caused him to not care anymore...i dont know but hes diffidently not stupid. honestly...most people around here dont have diplomas and we can have a great life...i feel like theres too much pressure put on people to get a formal education when it isnt necessary. i mean if he wants to play music then he should do it...of course this is coming from a chick whos going for a full ride to college but still...it just depends on who you want to be. kris wont waste is talent or skill...hell just use it in a way most people have forgotten. his heart is bigger than his head you know
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
I do. It's just, I've always seen education as a back-up. If all else fails, your diploma can still get you a decent job. And I agree that a career in the music industries is awesome, And I know how big that guys heart is, it's one of the things that makes him so amazing. I'm just worried something will go wrong, and he'll end up in trouble, you know...
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RadioCatastrophe · 1 decade ago
they wouldnt come up....but hey this works too i guess. i was actually quoting kris haha he has no memory but i remember everything...i dont know if he got the first one from somewhere else but the second one was just something he said in a conversation
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
And then he tells me he's the stupid one... That kid's a genious. I just wished he wouldn't flunk school you know. It's just, I wouldn't want him to miss a great life because he doesn't have a decent diploma, while he could have one easily. It seems such a waste of talent and skill...
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TheInspirationProject · 1 decade ago
Goodness. I barely know you, but you're one of the strongest people I know.
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
NO, I seem like the strongest person you know. I'm able to hide my pain, and save my breaking down for when I' alone. And I break down all the time. I just don't think I have the right to kill myself, to hurt all those people who care for me. So I live. It's simple as that.
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StripedLife · 1 decade ago
Of course, I wasn't trying to have a negative effect, and the stuff you're saying to me is true to you TOO. The stuff you're going through is temporary, believe it or not. Your problems are hard to get through but it will happen.
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
I don't worry that much about my future. I'm not continuosly depressed anymore, and I'm no longer suicidal. I do break down from time to time, but that's normal. I'm sure I'll get out, sooner or later. I'm still climbing the mountain, but I've seen the top, and I know I'll reach it.
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RadioCatastrophe · 1 decade ago
i dont really know how to reply and kristoffs at work soooo im just gonna comment again haha but believe me its not just us. everyone feels that way at some point in their lives. "the worst thing thats ever happened to you is just as bad as the worst thing thats ever happened to anyone else because you cant imagine anything worse" and dont be sad about that cuz "without the defiled wretch there is not beautiful queen, without pain there is no pleasure, and without indifference there is not love or hate or passion"
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
WHere to those quotes come from? and I completily agree with you. abdout replying, if you just hover over a comment, there should be 3 symbols on the top right of that quote.The one completily to the right is the one you click to reply.
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The Chosen One* · 1 decade ago
wowowowoowowowowwowowowowowoowowowowowoowowowowowowowowowowowowowoowowwo imagine reading this and almost crying :'( tis so so so sad.......................................................................................................................................................................................................... I know you, haha i know you very well and i know you've held on at the hardest points of like... bleh and um.... i was gonna say somefen um..... oh yeh.... i know you can hold on things will get better believe me you just gotta believe it.......... I am crao at these things... im out :P
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
Thx Rhi, I love your sponateous comments
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The Chosen One* · 1 decade ago
Haha no problem omg i luv when peopls call me rhi haha oh... whats spontaneous mean O.o im rlly dumb ik haha
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
You just say what's on your mind, immediatiely, and directly, You do and say things before thinking them through. I really like that X'D. And you're not dumb, you're simply younger.
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The Chosen One* · 1 decade ago
Doesnt sound too good of a thing O.o but if you like it i guess its good... haha omgomg i gottago in like 2mins but I RLLY GOTTA TELL U SOMEFEN LIKE NOOW
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
Well, tell me...
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The Chosen One* · 1 decade ago
Sorry i left im banned on laptop and i hear someone comein xD the thing was.... IM OVER DAVID BADABAAAM.................. WITH NO HESITATION IM OVER HIM...
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RadioCatastrophe · 1 decade ago
i know you. im very much like you. im kristoffs friend. im just lookin around but that caught my eye...it seems we are very similar
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
Thx. I'm glad I'm not alone, but it gives me a bitter feeling as well, because I'm not the only who feels so ...
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Christina* · 1 decade ago
With the amount of horrible things that happened in your life I can't even bare to imagine what I would do if I was you. Although I will say that its no coincidence that you are still alive after 3 attempts of suicide. Indeed everything you have gone through was horrible, but since you survived all of that. Then you are a trooper who deserves an amazing life! and guess what you can have that life! I know your life was hard, in fact hard is even a weak word for the life that you have had but you do have an entire future ahead of you! Think about it..wouldn't you like to help people that went through what you have?
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
Don't worry, suicide isn't really on the top of my to do list these days. I won't be having any more attempts, or at least, I hope so. as for it not being coincidence, I'm sorry, but I'm not religious, and I'm rather sceptical about "faith" or "destiny"... So for, me, It just seems like it was bad planning, which it was. I always acted on an impulse, not thinking ahead, just doing what Myheart told me, without thinking it through, and then it's only logic you fail. But yes, I live to help others, it's the main reason I'm alive...
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Christina* · 1 decade ago
Either way everything will fall into its place :)
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StripedLife · 1 decade ago
Your life IS harder than mine. Wow. I never imagined it could be true. I'm so happy you failed at taking your life. That was the hardest part of your life. It only goes up from here.
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
Hey, Don't compare people's problems. You may not have had the same problems I had, but you have had your own, and you are not me. I'm still struggling with all my problems, and I'm only just starting to find my way. And there are people who's lives have been a hundred times worse then mine. You can pull through, remember that. And you're never alone.
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PurplePinkDreams · 1 decade ago
Wow just... wow. It's unbelievable what you've been through. You're better than anyone else out there because despite all those problems, you're still here. I wish you the best in your life.
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
Thx, yet I don't believe I'm better. I focused on the bad stuff in my imagine quotes, yet I have to say, that especially once I turned 14, I got friends who gave me a lot of support.
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Loopy23 · 1 decade ago
Thats so sad. Are you ok?
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
It's part three, this one. I wrote 2 others before it. And I am how I described I am, in the last few lines. I'm better, but that doesn't make me happy yet. It goes in ups and downs
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Loopy23 · 1 decade ago
II've read the others as well. It is horrible what you've been through. Hopefully you'll have more ups than downs in the future=]
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FrankConnor · 1 decade ago
I hope so...
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