half the time i sit here and wonder why im even here. i sit and think for hours about what my purpose is here. Why am i here? Am i here to make others happy or to destory them? cause i guess i seem to do both perfect. Half the time i dont even know why im sad, to be honest i dont even know if its sadness.. it's more just empty. I get so confused about my feelings far too much. I think about stuff that i most likely shouldnt. It's been almost 17 years and i still just wonder what my purpose for living is? I no longer see the joy/excitment in living. Ive become one of those people who dont fear death.. one of those people who just isnt afraid to die, but afraid of what may happen to those i leave behind. Nearly all my life ive just wanted to disappear. I suppose sometimes i dont exactly mean this in a suicidal way , i just wish i could escape from here, disappear and never been seen by the familiar faces around here again. Go off somewhere , where no one knows my name. I just want to start out new.