Im fifteen now. I look back at everything I've accomplished. All
the arguments I've have. All the times I've felt alone. All the
times I've cried of pain or of laughter. All the scars. I think
about how far I've made it. Fifteen years. Ten years of school.
Seven years of performing music. Five years without both parents.
I finished elementary school and middle school. I'm in my first
year of high school. All the friends I've made and left. All the
friends I've made and kept. All the times I've fallen in "love".
All the camping trips I've been on. All the long car rides. All
the long thoughts. All the imaginary friends when all mine left
me. All the rushes to the emergency room. All the babies brought
home from the hospital. All the Christmases I got nothing I
wanted. All the times my grandparents asked "Do you feel any
older today?". All the unanswered questions. All the years. 15.
All the days. 5479. All the seconds. 473,385,600. All the fun
times I've had. All the bad times I've had. The best days and the
worst. The hours spent searching for a shooting star to make that
one special wish. All the times I've said "I hate you". All the
times I've said "I love you". All the dances. All the songs. All
the injuries. All the inches. All the drawings. All the tears.
All the smiles. All the hugs. Ah, the hugs were my favorite. All
the hours and hours of practice. All the awards. All the laughs.
All the good times. All the everything. I've tried to end my life
more than once. I have more disorders than I can count. But I
just have ever took the time to think about everything. Since the
day I was born until now. It's like it has all gone by so fast.
So quickly. So.. I'm already fifteen. My oldest brother moved out
already. My oldest sister in the army. My older brother is in
jail. There's me. All six of my younger siblings are just
chilling out. I want to make the best of my life. Starting today.
No more bad thoughts. No more cuts. I will eat. I will smile. I
will be happy about life. December 9, 1997 2:56 a.m. And just
looking back at everything. I'm fifteen now, but only for