this is me giving up.
i tried and i failed, simple as that. im not going to say i regret
it, because i dont. it was amazing and i can honestly say that i
will always love you. i mean you were my first after all. i just
dont think that its enough anymore. im not good enough to be your
girlfriend but im good enough to be a friend with benefits? maybe
im no better than that but i personally cant handle it emotionally
anymore. now i need to find the courage to tell you what ive wanted
to say for a long time now. im done. i want a relationship and you
dont and thats fine, it really is. but this is just too complicated
of a situation for me to continue with. and maybe we will never be
able to be friends again and i know that it will break my heart
every day. and i know that if you kiss another girl it'll hurt
even more and ill doubt myself and maybe come crawling back but
just maybe ill be happy. maybe ill find someone who really cares
about me and is willing to take a chance on me. maybe they'll
give me everything i've ever wanted. maybe it'll be worth
it. i've loved you for a long time now and these feelings
don't just go away overnight. but im starting to think that
love isnt enough to keep me around anymore. you treat me like dirt
and i still can't keep myself from reaching out for more. i
wish you could see how much you hurt me. how much my heart has
shattered because of you. but you don't and you won't.
because i wont tell you and you wont look. ive been too strong for
too long, and when you start to get in the way of my well-being
something has to change. i dont want to turn to cutting again but i
know myself well enough to know that if this continues i will. it
may not end to day or this week or the next week. but it needs to
end.
total vent,
please don't judge.
