The Fighter
chapter 4


I woke up to my mom shaking me.

"Kat, Im leaving for work now. Don't forget you need to study for your chemistry regents tomorrow. Oh and you'll need to find a ride up to school too cause me and your father are going to be at work. Have a good day, bye."

I groaned, rolling over and re-covering myself with my blankets. Then yesterdays memories fludded back into my mind, along with thoughts of you, and i was lost in memories. Memories of us. Of you kissing my forehead and pulling me in for a hug, unaware of me inhaling the smell of your deodorant, the smell of you. Memories of us cuddling on the couch laughing at nothing. Memories of us talking on the phone for hours about everything. You were my best friend, you were all i had. You were everything. Now i have nothing.

I cant do this.

I got up and headed for the kitchen. Once i had what i wanted i went into the bathroom, shut and locked the doors and sat on the corner of my bath tub. Then i began working. Slicing away my pain, bleeding out my emotions. My wrists screamed of pain and i stopped, washed the evidence down the drain, grabbed a dark colored towel and went back to the kitchen. I washed the blade in the sink and then collapsed at the table, sobbing once again. Cutting was my only way of feeling pain. Without you, i feel empty, numb, and cuttings my only way to know that im still capable of feeling pain. I slowly pulled back the towel off my wrists and surveyed the damage. I felt ashamed. Kat, he didn't give his life for you so that you could keep hurting yourself. He wanted to give you a second chance at life, to make it right. I got out my cell phone and deleted Ryan's number. It didn't really matter since i knew it by heart, but it was a start. Next i texted James, the boy who'd been texting me since he heard i was single, and told him i still loved my ex boyfriend and didnt feel right talking to him. Not like i'd said anything bad to him, he was extremely boring and all we ever talked about was dogs. I sighed and put my phone down on the table. I was going to be mature about this. While you were busy liking random girls pictures on Facebook, texting random girls, and making dates, i would be the mature one and get over you the mature way. By cutting myself? No. By trying to kill myself? That hadn't gone so good the first time. I immediately began planning ways to kill myself again.

Once in the shed out back of my house i hopped on my bike, bringing the rope and sharpie with me. Mom would be mad if she knew i wasn't studying for my regents, but its not like i'd need to study, i wasnt going to be taking it tomorrow anyway. After i'd pedalled about a 2 and a half miles on the road, it began to hum under my bike. I was on the bridge. I lived out in the middle of nowhere so there was hardly ever traffic on this bridge, and to my luck there was only one house near it. A old lady, Mary, lived there. She couldnt walk and barely ever went out of her house. Using the skills Mr. Gault had taught me in agriculture class i grabbed my rope and tied the knot.
 

The Hangmans knot.