The Fighter
chapter 3
 

           We walked to the edge of our medow to dig a grave for Koko. Cameron had recieved the chocolate lab as a birthday present a few years ago. Koko was only 4 years old and had been fighting cancer for the last 6 months. The last week had been rough on both of us. He had multiple trips to the vet for pain medications, while i was starving and cutting myself trying to handle the break up. Mom had taken him to the vet this morning because of him vomiting, and the vet had decided it was time for him to stop fighting, and put him down. Just like that. Animals don't have to suffer like humans do. Instead they can be relieved of their pain. I was sort of jealous, in a mean cruel way. I wish i didnt have to suffer and deal with all this pain. I wish someone could just end my life for me, simply by giving me a shot. I like to think that God answered my plea for death by instead deciding to give me another chance to be strong. Its a crazy way to look at it, but its my way of dealing with it. Koko gave his life for me so i could have a second chance at life. I watched my father lower the box into the deep hole he'd dug. Cameron sat feet away crying and watching. I stood a few feet behind him, starring, emotionless. Then a wave of anger washed over me. I turned away heading for the house.

Your so selfish Kat. There you are going to throw your life away when Koko had no choice. Your perfectly healthy, yet you try to hurt yourself like that. He would of loved to of lived longer. Your so selfish.

I got to my room and flung myself on my bed. I reached for my pillow and smother it in my face, absorbing my tears and muffling my sobs. I don't know for sure how long i layed there like that, crying, but when i finally came to it was getting dark outside. I pulled my blankets up to my chin and looked at my ceiling, thinking absolutely nothing. I still wasn't thinking when i unplugged my phone from my charger, and started texting.

"I thought you should know, Koko died today. You were as much of a family to him as we were. I just thought you should know."

Five minutes later he replied:

"Im sorry."

I didn't answer. That wasn't the reply message i wanted. But what did i expect? I wanted him to say, how stupid he was for hurting me, and what bad choice he'd made to break up with me. I just wanted a reason. He'd never gave me reason, he'd just ignored me for 3 days then texted me, yes texted me, saying he didnt want me anymore. I understood. Why would anyone want me? Im ugly. Im fat. My teeth are crooked. My hairs frizzy. My face is covered with freckles. My nose is too small. I understood why he didnt want me. But why so sudden? After four years, he just got.. sick of me? I started sobbing again, and didnt stop until i was asleep.

"Kat, wake up" I did "Kat, I love you."

"I love you Ryan." I whispered.