dearhim,
If someone asked me how I felt about you,I'd probably say "I don't know,"
because it's the truth ... I don't. You know when something makes sense
in your head, but when you try to say it out loud, you can't? There's too
many thoughts jumbled in my brain to say it all. Sometimes, I feel like I
don't even understand myself ... and as I'm sitting here writing this to you,
I feel like you don't either, and that hurts me a lot. The one person who I
want to know inside and out, who I want to fall in love with, doesn't care
about me as much as he did. I don't dwell on it anymore, but know you're
still there in the back of my mind and you haven't left. It doesn't matter how
long I don't think of you. If I think about what happened between us for even
a second, I get tears in my eyes. It's all so screwed up.And what's even worse
is that nagging feeling inside of me that just doesn't fully want to let you go.
It makes me believe you do care about me and make me feel things I don't
want to anymore. I'm getting so sick of it I've told my friends about my feelings
the best I can hoping to get advice, but all I get is that I can't love you because
we didn't have a legit relationship. But does that even matter? We talked every
day, made each other smile and you were unlike anyone else I knew. I was childish
back then. I was just another girl in the crowd following everyone else.Two years
later, I've finally found out who I really am and who I want to be. I love my life and
myself. The only thing is you've changed too, for the worse. When we met, you were
so gentle and caring of others. But now that you're older and have had more girls
see what I seen in you, you've become a different person. You're pig headed and
cocky. You throw girls away like no ones business and flirt with everyone. This is going
to sound so corny, but when I see you and our eyes meet I sense that boy I fell in love
with is still there and he still cares about me, he just can't show it. Despite how much I
want to resent you and hate you for who you've become, I can't. I still care and love you
as much as I did the second I met you. That October two years ago, I fell for you the very
minute I laid eyes on you. And everytime I see you I fall for you all over, just like that
first time. I love you.