*I know
it's long, but please
read!*
So my boyfriend Nathan and I have been
together for one month this Friday. And I already couldn't
imagine life without him. I mean I'm not like, in love or
anything, but I'm in a serious relationship with somebody who
truly loves me and sees the beauty in me that I don't always
see in myself. He does have some anger issues, and his therapist
doesn't help much, so I do have to whatch what I say around
him so I don't set him off and upsett the both of us. But I
don't care. His blue-gray eyes are the prettiest things
I've ever seen. And the way he blushes when i hug him, and
how he gets butterflies when I call him baby, it makes me
incredibly happy. And the way he's always telling me I'm
beautiful and how happy and grateful he is to have me. And how
he's nick named me princess. He's convinced me to stop
cutting. But.. his past haunts him. His dad beat his mom, he got
stabbed, and he almost killed somebody. He's overcome it to
become an amazing boy.. but.. it haunts him still. He has
nightmares every night and if he texts me and I'm not up to
calm him down, he freaks out. He's always remembering the
most horrific things and it ate and ate away at him until.. he
was in the shower, and he had an image of him as a seven year old
whatching his drunk dad beat his mom. I mean, he doesn't even
live with his real family anymore. He smoked to calm him self
down. But, he quit, just for me, after so many years, he quit
just like that. For. Me. And when he had that memory in the
shower, he cut. And his foster mom admitted him into a mental
hospital. He'll be there for atleast two weeks, and
there's no way I'll be able to contact him while he's
there. And the worst part? He's gonna miss my birthday..
What's he gonna do when he's insecure and he needs me? Or
when he has nightmares at night? I can't bear
it. It's been only four days since he's been gone.
And I break down every day. I know I need to be strong but I just
miss him.. It's like half of my heart was ripped away and
taken from me. The last words he said to me were, "you be
strong for me ok?" I can't be strong Nathan. Not when
you're not here to help me. I'm so tempted to cut. But I
would just dissappoint myself and hurt all of my friends
who've pushed me to over come this whole situation. So,
I'm trying to be strong for you baby. It's just so
hard..
