i hate myself.
i know people say this all the time, and not to say that they
don't mean it.
but i am almost certain that not everybody feels this way. i mean,
is fighting their own war. and everyone has something, that one
pulls you back into suffering, that breaks your strings. my hate
is, theoretically, a pair of scissors that snap at the strings that
the person, together. i am too hard on myself. my own thoughts
to the point where i'm shaking and can't function or speak
properly. i tell
myself that i am unloveable. but i know that isn't all the way
true. nice belle
is very loveable. she's very chilled out, and funny, and just
wants to hang
out and laugh and smoke and drink all the time. but psycho belle,
hits the lowest lows. she has no faith in herself. and she wants to
belle. and as i write this, i am actually sorting out my thoughts
and i wonder
if, perhaps, i am certifiably crazy. and then i realize that i
probably am. and
then i realize that i've always known that.