Remember my 11/30/10 relationship? Because I sure do. A few months is when I lost him. 9/25/11 he broke up with me. I lost the love of my life. The guy I've dated for 8 months and had a tiny break in between. He left me for my exbestfriend. And after I found that out a lot of things went down. I kept getting into fights with him and not only did it end our relationship but it also ended our friendship. I dated two guys during the months hoping to get over him. I couldn't help but cry and miss the things we did. Yeah it was hard it felt like I'd never get him back. I tried to move on and I got into drinking. It made me feel happy and forget about all of those horrible things that happened. The first guy I dated broke up with me do to distance. But I didn't really feel hurt. I thought I liked him but I didnt. So a month after that I dated another guy for two months. And I didn't really even have any feelings for him either. It was Febuary 5 months after losing him. I still wasn't over him and my feelings for him stayed the same. I ended up breaking up with the guy because I didn't really feel anything for him either. I thought I liked 3 guys after that but it was just a simple little phase. Since than I went through a lot of stuff and went into depression. I couldn't stand it I felt like I was just losing everything and everybody around me. So I don't know why but I just sent him this long message on FB which was on Febuary 24th. I explained so much in that message but I thought he was just goning to reply with something mean or still hate me. But he actually replied back and was being nice to me. Since that day on we started talking again a lot. He knows that I still have feelings for him and he's ok with it. I told him that I thought it was time to try and get rid of those feelings I still have for him. But it doesn't seem he wants that. He smokes cigs and gets high. Am I happy with that? No. But I got over it. I was so happy to finally have him back in my life and become friends again. And we talked about a lot of things and it was settled. We became smoking buddies and would hook up. He came over Friday night. We both got high and just did things together. Honestly it was one of the best Friday nights I've ever had. That boy still makes me happy even after everything that happened. But we both moved on from what happened months ago and now we are here. Today he walked from school to my house. We hung out in there and just pretty much made out. Not saying what else we did but that's all we seemed to do. I missed being with him so much. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time. He even made a heart with his hands to me. I felt really amazingly happy just seeing that. No we aren't dating but it sure feels like it. Do I want to date again? You don't know how badly I want that. But for now him just being in my life like this is enough for me. There are times where he flirts with me and I'm always flirting with him. But I'm just not really sure if he still has any feelings for me. I hope he does because that would just mean a lot to me. I want to say "I love you." to him so badly. But I know I can't. It just kills me inside knowing he's not mine and probably wont ever be again. But he's mine in friendship again. And that's enough to make me the happy little girl I was when we were dating. And since we started talking again I've felt like I'm changing. But I'm really glad I am because I know I can get along better with him now.

I'll always love you Matt and because of what you're doing it. It just makes it harder for me not to love you. 11/30/10 was one of the best days in my life. And it sure as hell wont be a date that I forget about. You still mean everything to me and I just want you to see that.