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Okay, I'm writing letters to all of my old friends, saying the things that I need to say, just to vent. Feel free to skip over (:
Lauren,
I know I kinda already made several quotes about you, but I just really want you to know that I am so sorry for everything.  I don't know if your quotes have been genuine; some say you're just being civil, which is completely understandable.  But I want you to know that I meant every word I said. I miss you. I'm sorry for everything between you and I and that certain person that dates my ex now.  I was in a time where everyone seemed to be against me, and I questioned your trust because of it.  Truthfully, I still question your trust and that is part of the reason why I think we could never truly be friends again like we were, but I am still so sorry.  I would never be okay with you being friends with her, but it isn't my choice and I should have accepted that.  But what I'm most sorry for is for not trying.  For just letting go.  For letting a great friendship of 3 years go after a little spat.  For just flat out not caring.  But in reality I guess that's a lie, I cared. I cared so much, I just didn't let it show. 
More recently, I am sorry for everything with Josh.  As I said earier, I don't know how things really even happened with that, they just kind of did.  But please don't think for a second that I did this to get back at you in any way, because the whole time him and I were talking, I was concerned for you.  I didn't want to hurt you, and I knew it probably would, but I was already in too deep, I had already fallen.  And I honestly didn't know that you were trying to fix things with him whenever we first started talking.  And I'm sorry for not accepting your apology when you found out about us.  Regardless of whether it was genuine or not, I was a female dog about it.  And I am so, so sorry about all of the stupid drama recently.  I fed into it way too much.  I knew what you were going through, and I just didn't even seem to care.  There were just so many emotions and I was frustrated with the situation and honestly, I didn't even know how to feel.  But I am glad that it is in the past, and that you let me be happy.  I know how strong you are to do that, I know how hard it is.  I don't know if you did it really for him, or for me, but either way, it means so much to me.  I want so badly for us to go back and be friends again, but considering the circumstances it really would not be fair for you.  It wouldn't be right for you to have to sit and watch me be with him first hand because I know it's probably hard enough as it is.
But I do miss you.  A lot.


 

nmf/nmq                                                                                                                                                          ♥♥♥