In case witty leaves at whatever time tomorrow, I need to vent. Alot.

Everything from my blood tests came, fine, except one thing. I don't have enough calcium and vitamin D. In my 20's, I could have brittle bone disease, which means my bones will break very easily. Starting today i take two pills every day for a month, then one pill every day for five months. There's another thing, too. If I don't gain more weight, when I actually get into peuberty, I won't go through it right. So, my mom had to get an app on her iPhone that I have to record every meal, snack and drink I eat every day, it adds up the calories, and subtracts some when I write down I excersise, and tells me how many calories I've consumed for that day. I'm supposed to get 1600 calories every day, I haven't reached my goal since I started. If I get more than 1600 cal., then I actually gain weight. I always thought i had no problems, even though I'm 4' 4" and 54 lb. at age 11. I mean, my crush is 4' 5", but he says he's 75 pounds. My friend Alex is 4' 5", too, and 65 pounds. Writing this, I heard my mom and step dad talking about how I need to eat like 800 more calories. But I don't like to eat alot. She wanted me to go have a snack, like ice cream, but I was like, "Ew, no." So right now I'm drinking 'Boost'. With calcium and calories. There's no point of 'staying strong' if stuff like this is gonna happen.

My parents started taking me to theapy. I'm only doing it for my dad, who lives in N.C. but travels through Europe and some parts of Asia for work. He wants me to stay strong. It's hard. I've never thought of cutting. I don't know how exactly I do, though. It seems painful. I've gone through lots of pain, but not enough to cause myself even more.

That's all I'll say for today,I guess. If you read this whole thing, which is just a tiny sliver of my life, thanks. I appreciate how you care enough about me to read this. Remember you're beautiful, even without witty by your side to support you