suicidal thoughts race through my head

my heart rate increases

i run to my room holding the tears back, trying not to scream

i go into my jewelry box

in search of the only thing

the one thing that calms my nerves

the one thing that helps me forget

it’s so tiny but so strong

i grab it and wipe off the dried blood from last time

i look at my arm seeing all the pale white scars

thinking what is one or two more?

i place the tip on my wrist  and feel it pierce my skin

i close my eyes tight as i pull the razor across my arm slowly

feeling the warm blood drain from the fresh wounds

oozing slowly down my wrist

  I repeat what i have just done  

my heart rate decreases to a slow

bump bump....bump bump

my eyes open

blood shot and burning

the razor is still in my shaky hand

i just watch the bloody mess on my arm get bigger

suicidal thoughts still in my head

i throw my razor far away from me

so i don’t make any more of a mess

My body wants the razor back

wants to feel the cool sharp blade draw across my skin again

i look back at my wrist once more

realizing what i have just done

going back to my old habits

not knowing where to go

a feeling of disappointment and hate comes over me

i am helpless

 

my suicidal thoughts controlling my every move...