~thinking of him~
so much time has passed and i feel the same if not worse... i wasn't expecting this. everyone told me i would get over it, over him. but i cant. it hurts so much, all i ever feel is pain and regret. i feel like there is a hole in my chest where my heart should be and i can actually feel it ache. every night i fall asleep listening to music and reminiscing.. thinking about him and how happy he made me. how much he made me blush. how much i loved him. he told me he loved me and i never said it back, i was too afraid, and now its too late. he loved me and i love him. im willing to admit it now, before i was always too afraid to actually say it, but i really wish i had.. i wish i had told him while i had the chance, when it could have made a difference. but he is gone and there is nothing i can do to bring him back. i thought as time passed it would get easier but its getting harder. i miss him. if i could go back in time i would change everything, i would have said it back, i would not have freaked over every little thing, and i would have given him more freedom, i would have trusted him. and writing this doesn't fix anything, it doesn't change, i still feel the same. i will still fall asleep tonight thinking of him .