Haylie's;
No One Can Cure This
Headache
I tried pulling the thin long - sleeved Justin Bieber
shirt tighter along my body and wiping the mascara streaks
off my face, but it was useless. Just like the burning
slices of depression I had spread all over my left arm - I
didn't know how long I'd have to deal with them
being there, but they were there for the time being.
I was walking down the cold, crowded yet ever so lonely
streets of New York City, the last place I had ever swore
to visit before I die. Lights were shining brightly from
advertisements and signs high above my heads, people were
rushing up and down the streets not even paying attention
to the hopeless fourteen year old with makeup smeared
across her cheeks.
I never thought I'd be here, but here I was, thousands
and thousands of miles away from my home in Canada alone, running
away for a few weeks just to experience the good life. The
old Haylie would be partying at a girl’s night out
right now, not walking up and down the fearful streets of
New York City always having to worry about shielding
herself from the world.
I stopped at an intersection with cars passing wildly
through the stoplights and thought for a moment. I could
still feel my tired heart beating slower and slower by the
second, tired of always being walked all over and being
taken advantage of, tired of feeling so worthless and
unhappy. I really just wanted all of it to end.
I had visited New
York already, the one place I always wanted to
travel to. But now that I was here and I could still feel
the pain flowing through my body and especially my arms, it
didn't seem all that great. Now meeting Justin Bieber,
the one boy who ever managed to help me see another side of
myself, that was something I hadn't done. But after
giving the same call of help in my letters to him over and
over again with no response and seeing the thousands of
people tonight at MSG that wanted him too, I knew for sure,
that meeting him was something I wouldn't ever be able
to do.
"I'll meet you soon, never say never right?"
I laughed heartlessly to myself in a whisper. I'm
talking to myself, I thought. I really am going insane.
"Well, quit dreaming Bieber!" I screamed, when a
few people had started to stare. But the flaming emotions
that overflowed inside me just couldn't be contained
anymore. "Just because life turned out oh-so-lucky for
you doesn't mean that it'll turn out right for me!
Things are never going to look up for me, and I'm never
going to meet you. There, I said it. Never, never,
never!" I threw my arms up into the air. By now people
had completely stopped to stare at me as if I were some
kind of crazy cat lady.
Tears were flowing down my cheek and the same old
adrenaline that drove me to cutting was only stronger than
ever. This was it. I looked straight ahead at the
passing cars that were driving fast enough just to do more
than enough damage to a person's body. What else do
I have to live for?
.