6 faves · 7 comments · May 7, 2010 8:22pm
x0Sayum0x
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1 decade ago
wow, this is amazingg. amazinggg woorrk!
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xThatLittleSceneKidx
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1 decade ago
That is really awesome!!
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dora101
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1 decade ago
you r a great story letter!!! i love to write storys but i dont think mine r nearly as good as yours your word choice is absolutly fabulous!!!i feeel like in there! :) keep writing!!!!!!!
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TheHippieNinja
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1 decade ago
I love you Tiery. That's so flipping good.<3
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xoxLoveStoryxox
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1 decade ago
Thank you so much! I love you ;) You weren't mean about it or anything but you actually told me things that I could do to fix it.
Yeah, I noticed the one of the grammar mistakes after I posted it, and was just too lazy to repost it =/
But I will be sure to fix everything.
Thank you =]
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peaceinpieces
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1 decade ago
the last two sentences are a little corny... maybe consider rewriting?
i love the second sentence. it's magical, and i can picture that, which is perfect. a writer should always make a reader picture something.
I love your ideas, your word choice, and the overall feel i get when i'm reading it. i feel like i'm there.
there are a few minor grammar mistakes, such as "it's"; you might want to google and find the rule, for future reference. you also have one sentence fragment: "But found nothing besides disappointment." it's a good phrase, but should be combined with the sentence before it to make it a complete sentence. :]
i would suggest starting the first sentence of the third paragraph as "Cianna sat down at the table.." instead; it makes it clearer that she hasn't been sitting there through the whole time this takes place.
good job. keep writing. the more you do it, the better it gets. also, reading a lot helps your writing enormously. :]
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Slc_Dissottle10 · 1 decade ago
I love this.. its so good. :)
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