you wanted to be rory, but i'm afraid it's me. i'm not prepared to wait thousands of years for you to realise it's me. how do i shake this feeling, doctor?
one day i won't care this much. one day it won't hurt this much. i still wish so badly that you would understand me. that you would know me. i wish you would check in with me genuinely. there's so much that has happened to me. i wish you would show me your love in the ways that i wanted you to. i wish you told me how perfect i was already. i wish you never compared me to others. i wish you would just know me and accept me as i am. i don't think you'll ever know to what extent you've hurt me. i just feel like you should know me by now. know me beyond the foods i like to eat. i wish you knew my other preferences. i wish you knew and accepted. but you just can't ever seem to accept me. i didn't ask to be this way. i am just the way i am. there are things i wish i could change so you could accept me but i just can't. i don't know which parts were nature and which were nuture. all i know is that you have never accepted all of me. i don't even know how you see me. must be some weird mixture of ungrateful and detached. you must think i've shut everything off completely just to spite you. but i am not like that. i wish you knew me. i think if you knew me mum, then you would truly love me.