i've thought about leaving a lot, but it's just superficial. not my true heart. when i feel a sudden pain, i wish it away. when i was given the option between pulling out my tooth or preserving it, i didn't think twice about coughing up almost half a grand. i say i don't care, that none of it matters...but still i'm safeguarding my life. it won't be over until there's nothing to protect. i don't need to look forward to anything. i just need to preserve what i have.