Before you, I was terrified of being in love.
I had seen it fall apart too many time and I wanted nothing to do with that. I had seen it make my sister go crazy and get hurt and cry in the corner of our bedroom. I had seem it make my friends forget how to love themselves. I saw how hard it hit and how fast and at the same time, how beatiful it made someones life look. And I had even thought I found it once. But I was wrong and I broke someone the same way I watched it break everyone else.
And for that I'm not sure I ever forgave myself.
And so I swore that if it showed up again, I would just say no.
But that was the thing about you.
When I met you, thats not what it was like. You didnt offer me crazy love right away. You just sat with me and listened to me until 4a.m. You told me funny stories and tried to make me laugh. you were always there And then it came slowly. Like a sunrise creping out and softly shining its light until the whole shy becoems a bit brighter. Bit by bit everything catches the light and the whole sky lights up. And if you stand in the middle of thhis light you feel warm and safe and you're not worried about what will happen when the light goes away. You just know that standing in the sun, is exactly where you're supposed to be.
And thats what loving you was like.
-excerpt from a book I'll never write// thats why I call you my sunshine //
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