When I first started climbing the tree of love, I knew better than to pick the fruit hanging lowest from the tree, the fruit that I didn't want because I am not desperate. But as I climbed further and further up, I began to find it more and more difficult to get what I wanted from the tree. My friends wanted me to pick perfectly good fruit that I never ended up picking because it didn't feel right. I was too unsure of whether the fruit was right for me even though the fruit clearly wanted me. I want to take risks, I want to get out of my comfort zone, but I am still too scared to pick fruit that isn't as round as I'd usually go for because I am not particularly impressed by it initially. Yet the fruit I was sure about, the fruit that gave me butterflies in my stomach, the fruit that I felt in my heart was right for me and what I truly wanted, I tried to pick it. But it wouldn't budge. Later on, I tried again with a different fruit that gave me the same feelings. The stem cracked from the branch but refused to detach from it. My heart was broken. It broke even more when I saw girls who wanted those same fruits that gave me butterflies and made my heart race pick them with ease. Hell, those fruits almost fell on their faces. More fruit started to call for me but I didn't pick them because none of them made me feel the way other fruit did. And that's when I asked myself, "Should I pick what I don't particularly care for much? Is it worth it? Is it worth not feeling butterflies for someone who treats you well and understands you but doesn't give you that "feeling" inside? Is continuing to climb this tree going to hurt me in the end? Will I die before I reach the top because I never picked a fruit? Do I even deserve fruit, am I too picky to pick fruit? Will I ever find a fruit I am sure about, fruit that gives me butterflies in my stomach, fruit that I feel in my heart is right for me and what I truly want that will fall off of the tree just for me?" I don't know the answer to any of this, but I am starting to think maybe the tree of love just wasn't meant for me to climb.
When you look up, and see the places you've wondered, and feel the shame you can't hide. When you look around and see that there is no one beside you, that is where you stop and sit down, for there is no purpose of continuing on if there is no one to walk beside you.
When you look into their eyes, and have to plaster a smile on your face, so that they won't know what they do to you when they smile. So that they won't know that everytime they smile or laugh another bit of you cracks inside, for you know that they will never look at you like that.