you must wear it like she wears
disappointment on her face
you must hide the surprise of
tasting other men on your lips
your mother is a woman
and women like her cannot be contained.
you find the black tube inside her beauty case,
where she keeps
your fathers old prison letters,
you desperately want to look like her
film star beauty,
you hold your hand against your throat
your mother was most beautiful
when sprawled out on the floor
half naked and bleeding.
you go to the bathroom to apply the lipstick,
somewhere no one can find you
your teeth look brittle against
the deep red slickness
you smile like an infant,
your mouth is a wound
you look nothing like your mother
you look everything like your mother.
you call your ex boyfriend,
sit on the toilet seat and listen to
the phone ring, when he picks up
you say his name slow
he says i thought i told you to stop calling me
you lick your lips,
you taste like years of being alone.
— HOW TO WEAR YOUR MOTHER'S LIPSTICK