WHY AM I STILL IN PAIN? it's been six months and i'm still angry at you. don't be fooled by anything i sent you or by however kind i seemed to be talking to you for the past six months. i'm going to make it clear right now that I DON'T want you back and i NEVER will, before you jump to any conclusions that this is going to be another sappy passage about how much i miss you and acting like we're going to have a future together. i did all the things they tell you to do after a breakup. i did all the things they tell you to do to get over someone. i've met new people who appreciate me for who i am. i've had various people tell me that you weren't worth my time. but you know, the funny thing is, i could have the whole world in favor of me and against you and i'd still hate you. all the things that i'd thought would help didn't because you damaged me that much. six months after a break up with no communication, most people would feel indifferent towards their exes, some even friends with them. worst case scenario, their ex would only be a passing thought with only a small wave of pain. but YOU, you disposed of me. you treated me like i was nothing to you, you killed my self esteem, you caused me so much anxiety, you disrespected me, you lied to me, and you went back to the girl you know you secretly still wanted to be with within weeks. i wish you could have just stayed with her because you two are obviously perfect together and you seem to like her more than you've ever liked me. people ask me why i am still hostile towards you, they tell me to "grow up" they ask me, "why are you still in pain?" and i tell them "how would you feel if you were just disposed of like that?" when someone shows you how unimportant you are, it has a lasting effect. any aggravation and distaste i give you you sure as hell deserve. have fun with the girl of your dreams. but watch out for karma, because it's going to kick your αss.
Let go, give these ghosts a new home;Let's bury our past and our fears and all of these bones.Let's go, I should've seen it long before, because this is my life. I will not run in circles, ending where I start.
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believe it or not, this was a gradual thing. i didn't wake up not loving you it went by days, i'd realize you were never around you didn't kiss me the same your heart was somewhere else. i didn't just wake up not loving you, it happened over the ticks of the clock. but you must have been looking the other way, or maybe time just flew by for you, because it somehow came as a surprise to you when i was gone. + can't turn back time
“ If I could make it better, I would. I would swallow the sun and kiss it straight into your mouth if it meant you’d feel warm again. I would bury green gardens deep inside your heart if it meant you would blossom there. I would pull myself apart, jagged bone and soft skin, if it meant I could find the right pieces to put you back together again. I would, darling. I would. But I can’t. For I learned time and time again that human beings cannot be saved, or fixed, or grown by others — they can only be loved. So I will love you, and I will love you well. ”
“ My forgiveness doesn’t mean you didn’t do something to earn my scorn. My forgiveness doesn’t mean all is fine and dandy. My forgiveness means I’m finally putting myself first. My forgiveness means I’m letting myself heal. My forgiveness means I’m doing this for me. Because if I’m being honest with myself, I never needed you. I never needed what you put me through. And you definitely don’t need my forgiveness. But I need to forgive you. I need to forgive you for me. ”
I MIGHT HAVE ONLY SEEN THE SUN PEAK THROUGH THE AUTUMN LEAVES 16 TIMES BUT IT HAS TAUGHT ME A THING OR TWO. IT HAS TAUGHT ME THAT IT MAY BE HARD TO SEE HOPE THROUGH THE TREES, BUT IT IS STILL THERE. IT HAS TAUGHT ME THAT CHANGE BECOMES ROUTINE. IT HAS TAUGHT ME THAT WHEN YOU FALL APART YOU CAN GLUE YOURSELF BACK TOGETHER, EVEN IF YOU NEED TO USE SUPER GLUE. AND WHEN THAT DOESN'T WORK, THERE IS ALWAYS DUCT TAPE. LEAVES DRIFT FROM TIME TO TIME BUT THE ROOTS OF THE TREES REMAIN THE SAME. THIS HOW YOU SHOULD STAY. REMEMBER WHO YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVES YOU AND BE GRACIOUS FOR EVERYTHING THAT COMES YOUR WAY.