SANDD* posted a quote
November 8, 2015 12:03am UTC
Imma be straight up.He may still love you. He probably does.He probably doesn't know what he wants.He probably thinks about you all the time.But that isn't what matters. What matters is what he's doing about it, and he's doing nothing.And if he's doing nothing, you shouldn't do anything. You need someone who makes it obvious they want you in their life.👌👍💯.
SANDD* posted a quote
November 8, 2015 12:07am UTC
Hello from the other sideI must've called a thousand timesTo tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've doneBut when I call you never seem to be homeHello from the outsideAt least I can say that I've triedTo tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heartBut it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apartAnymore
seafoam* posted a quote
November 8, 2015 2:58am UTC
I am tired of trying to hold things together that cannot be held. Trying to control what cannot be controlled. I am tired of denying myself what I want for fear of breaking things I cannot fix. They will break no matter what we do.
The under dog. Yesery, that best describes me. Because I don't seem like a threat to anyone. But I'm quietly working away and getting stuff done. They'll describe me as cute, but I can't see myself that way. I'm not sweet, I've gone way too bitter. I tell myself I'm great, because that's what I need to hear. But then I tell myself I'm better and that's when things get worse. Because when you start to stick your nose up, you can't see where your feet go. And if I go on thinking I'm oh so special, I might wind up somewhere that isn't all that delightful. Realising this, I then tell myself I ain't all that. But then that leads me to point out things like, oh I'm dumb and yuck, I'm fat. I've realised I don't have a middle. I don't have that plateau where I think I'm alright. I'm either flying or drowning, sinking or soaring. It's a sad way to perceive yourself, and I'm trying to change. But sometimes it's good, to be going a little insane.
Its weird now, isn't it? Mad is good and good is mad. Why is it good to be wicked? I thought wicked was to mean bad. You know, like the wicked witch of the west? But things have changed now, haven't they? The bullies, they once called me weird and a loner. But now it's cool to be 'different' and you're 'mysterious' if you're lonesome. I once cried because my best friend called me careless. Now I cry because I'm so neurotic and smile when someone calls me lazy because it means they think I'm not so in over my head all the dang time. Change is weird. Change is different. I bet change has been described as a lot of things...mad, wicked, mysterious, good and bad. But I bet it's never been called boring, stupid or any other word that haunts me.
I don't know how to be emotional. Showing emotion is what makes us human, right? It's like I reprogrammed myself to never tell anyone when things began to hurt. Like I trained myself to internalise the stress and pain. Sometimes I love it about myself. That I can't let emotions cloud my judgement or whatever. But I'm scared I'll be like this forever. So I pin this hope that I'll find someone who I can unload some of my worries onto, and just talk about it. I do have people I could do that to now, but I don't want to burden them. Hah. A burden. It's funny how it's totally fine, and it practically invite people to be a burden on me, but the minute I let them in to my troubles I worry about being a burden on them. Wow that sucks.
Don't worry about me. I'm messy but I always work things out. I'm far from suicidal so don't even worry about that. I'd never die at the hands of someone like me. I can kill Mosquitos, but anything other than that is way too beyond me. I love psychological thrillers. I learnt this just this fortnight. I can't kill myself, I don't even know myself yet. What if I find out I really like sun flowers? Or I become really obsessed with living in Japan? What if I pick up speaking German really easily and live there for a month and meet someone there and get married and have a whole new life. Or what if I fix my Arabic and go to my home country and meet someone there and start my new life there. My life could have so many alternate endings and I will always choose another option, if there even comes a thought about suicide. Because why the frick frack yikkity yak shik shakkity shak not?