- Is this goodbye?
Hi guys. Sorry for such a long post with no warning, but I really just need to get this out, so maybe someone, anyone, can understand. All it can do is help. Because as cliche as it sounds, I have nothing to lose. A few months ago, the sky grew darker. This happened because we lost a star. That stars name was Jak. I lost somebody I never knew I needed. The thought of us spending months, even years on end not talking, brings me so much pain. That's mostly because it happened. He was my band buddy. All through grade 7, 8 and 9(mostly 7 and 8). He understood me like noone else did. Then in about May-June grade 9, I lost my mum. Another person I thought I could live without, but I clearly became a messier mess after her departure from this decayed planet. I was devestated. My mum was the type of woman who would lead me one way, knowing I would stray towards the other. She would force me to go to school when she could. I went to school a few days after this happened, and Jak, being who he is, came and asked the obvious 20 questions; Where were you. What happened. What's up with ya Kohl girll. I couldn't answer. He was just too.. I can't describe Jak as anything but Jak. He was his own kind of perfection, in the least perfect ways possible. As it does, news travelled fast. Word got around the school faster than I could process it myself, and the hate came faster than I could take. It was too many emotions. Some of them so new to me, that I couldn't keep up. Why had all these people of which I'd never dealt with before suddenly come out of the woodwork and added in their 50 cents to this bank of pain. Back to Zak, he was being himself. That's what hurts. Because I did this, whatever the actual heck this is and is becoming, over him. Being him. I don't even know what happened. I think he changed, but I guess that was on me. Zak and I haven't spoken for over 12 months. How I am still here? Oh just ask the saviours who hide out on this website, oh and Tam. But it's not enough. It was just enough to get me to wherever I am. But not enough to save me. I don't know where to go. I know there is a place for everybody but what if I left my place and will never find my way back. I wouldn't call this a goodbye, but I'm going to stop writing quotes.. So thankyou for the two years that I have been able to enjoy on here. Thanks for the memories, the laughs, the good times, the good vibes, the friends and most certainly, thankyou for taking me this far. It's been fun I guess......
ayenay*
Caitlyn*
JosephAllie95
*gloomy*
Jasmine❤😘*
shescrazy19
ArcticBrittany
RVM
MelissaaAnnee.*
ocean pixie*
polaroidmgc*
StyllLovesYou*