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xxHelloLovelyxx

Status: wow i should change my layouts more often

Member Since: 16 May 2012 06:26pm

Last Seen: 2 Nov 2013 01:11pm

Birthday: September 17

Location: Massachusetts

user id: 300221

118 Quotes
2,585 Favorites
8 Following
1,344 Followers
40 Comment Points
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we kissed until our lips felt swollen
hi i'm chris and i like cocoa, warm weather, hugs, being called beautiful,
forehead kisses, art, summertime, photography, him in general,
having someone to call mine, christmastime, late-night skype calls, candles,
tattoos, cute texts, nicknames, travelling, good dreams, and memories.
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  1. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 5:56pm UTC
    Do you guys remember Billy (from 'in his arms')? He was the young boy who died from a disease of his lung. Billy's character was based off of someone who attends my high school. His name is Connor, he's a freshman, and he has collapsing lung. He went in for surgery last night to get new lungs and while they said the operation took a long time, it was a success, but the recovery will not be quick or easy. I'm so nervous for him because I love the kid so much. If you guys could just keep him in your thoughts for a while, I'd appreciate it. He deserves all the support he can get.
    Love you Connor. Get better soon, bud.

  2. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2013 2:04pm UTC
    So my neighbors were having a yardsale this weekend (same neighbors I wrote 'Hold on to Him' about) and the mother (her actual name is Linda) was talking to me and she's probably the sweetest lady ever. She's still devastated over the loss of her son, which was 15 years ago. He would've been 30 this year and honestly I feel so awful for the family. Anyways, her other son (Ian, who's 28 and the main character in 'Hold on to Him') came outside and he's so gorgeous and cute and we were talking and Linda goes "Christina, if you were a little older I'd set you two up to get married!" and Ian and I laughed it off but on the inside I was like "These people don't know I wrote an entire story about my fantasies with their son..."

  3. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    May 16, 2013 3:04pm UTC
    One year ago today...
    I remember exactly where I was. I was in my bedroom, sprawled out across my bed. My room was arranged differently, but I still remember it perfectly. I decided I was going to write a short story. I had before tried (and failed miserably) at getting big on Witty with my stories on a different account. I created an account with the alias xxHelloLovelyxx.
    At 7:22 pm, Wednesday, May 16, 2012, I posted the first chapter of 'Blue-Eyed Beauty.' I made a comment at the bottom that said, "I'll continue posting if this gets more than 10 faves" because I'd never gotten more than 4 on a story. The first chapter got 87 favorites over the course of the night.
    I was so excited, I wouldn't put my laptop down. I didn't eat dinner that night. I was sitting in the family room that night with my dad and brother and I think there was a sport on the television but I'm not sure. My dad insisted I ate the chicken strips he made for me, so I took a plate, but I never actually ate them.
    I was so excited I wrote the next chapter the same night, and posted it as well.
    I got home to find I had over 100 followers, all gained from just two chapters of a story.
    Over the course of the year on Witty, I'd posted 8 stories: Down This Road, Dreams of Zachary, Favorite Mistake, Firefly, Hold on to Him, and finally, in his arms. I have 1,349 beautiful followers (most of which are dormant by now) and, through this account, I've made some wonderful best friends: Elizabeth (thesweetestmoments), Eli (Eli22b), Joe (JoeBro, no longer active) and so many more it would take me forever to name. But you guys were here, you gave me confidence. And my life has changed so much since that Wednesday as a little freshmen in my bedroom with an idea and some sort of luck, and it makes me sad thinking about how much time has changed. I don't know, I just thought I should mark the anniversary somehow, so here it is.
    Happy One Year Anniversary, Witty.

  4. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    May 1, 2013 3:17pm UTC
    My Speech on Religion.
    Separation of church and state needs to be more rigid because people feel the need to use the bible to create or destroy laws, there are many people with different religions who don’t support that God, and it’s simply showing that while the amendment says, “Freedom of Religion,” it’s not actively enforced.
    The bible is a factor when making laws, fact. I grew up in a Catholic household. I attended Sunday School until 8th grade and prayer was always required at the dinner table. But when I entered high school, I realized that this God that I’ve been praying to is one I’ve never actually believed in. When I told my grandmother this, she cried and she's never looked at me the same way again. And it was then that I realized just how big of a role religion plays in relationships between people. And while religion does have a role on whether or not my grandmother and I would remain friends, it shouldn’t play a role on my basic rights as a human. People like to use the Bible as this big excuse—abortion is wrong because the bible says so. Gay marriage is wrong because the bible says so. Assisted suicide and euthanasia are wrong because the bible says so. But there are 63 million Americans—20% of the country’s population—who don’t follow the bible. If I want an abortion, I should be allowed to get one no matter how the next person feels about abortion. It’s my body, and I should be able to do what I want with it and I shouldn’t be prevented from a book that I don’t even believe in. I heard a quote once, and I’m not sure who said it, but it went: “Telling someone that they can’t get married because of your religion is like telling that person they can’t eat that cookie because you’re on a diet.” If you don’t support abortion, don’t get an abortion. If you don’t support gay marriage, don’t get gay married. But the first amendment clearly states, “Freedom of Religion,” for a reason. The bible shouldn’t be involved.
    There are many people in America who don’t believe in Christianity, fact. Have you ever noticed that every day, when you stand up to take a pledge to your country, whose first amendment includes Freedom of Religion, that you take an oath to a God? Or when someone is testifying in court, and they place their hand on the bible, and they pledge to tell the truth, “so help [them] God?” Well, what about the people who don’t believe in that God, or in any God at all? While I understand that these rules have been used for so many years and it’s difficult to just remove them without causing controversy, you have to understand that times change. Think of how much America itself has changed from the 1800’s. Style, music, society. Ethnicity and religion. It’s all changed. We’re constantly modifying laws to fit the changes of the world around us. While America’s main religion is Christianity, where 80% of Americans identify themselves as Christian, that means that 20% of America’s citizens do not believe or associate their beliefs with the God they are supposed to pledge themselves to every day. 63 million people in America. Other religions that don’t affiliate with the bible include: Native American, Chinese, Buddhism, Atheism and Muslim. Just because Christianity is the majority doesn’t make it a necessity. If you’re going to tell me that you can’t argue against these standards because Christianity is the majority, well, there are still other religions there. One out of every five Americans isn’t Christian and doesn’t follow their beliefs, and they shouldn’t have to.
    Freedom of Religion is a right to all humans, fact. I, personally, don’t see it as a big request to completely remove religion from the law. I’m not asking to replace, “One nation under God” with “One nation under no God,” or “One nation under Muhammad.” I’m just asking for it to be removed. I’m not saying that Christianity is a bad thing, it’s just one that I don’t agree with, and one I don’t think I should need to follow. If I want to marry a woman who I’m in love with, hypothetically, then I should have every right to do so. A book that has nothing to do with my beliefs shouldn’t stop me. I’m not saying this country is a disgrace because it’s denying me my rights, because it’s not a disgrace. I just believe that the judicial system needs moderation. Like everything else evolves, laws and regulations should too. I’m not asking for much, and yet to some people, it still seems like too much.
    There are three facts I’ve dwelled on: The bible is a factor when making laws, there are many people in America who don’t believe in Christianity, and Freedom of Religion is a basic human right. All of these are true, and all of these need to start being recognized and addressed. Separation of church and state needs to be more rigid. I can honestly say that being told that I shouldn’t tell people my religion or that my religion isn’t something to be proud of is one of the most narrowminded things I’ve ever heard. In an America where everything is evolving and changing and a place where you’re allowed to be different and feel okay about it, people need to start understanding that not everyone believes the same way they do and that a difference in opinion is okay. Differences make the world go round, right? So let me be different. And don’t make me follow your religion’s rules when I have the right that says I shouldn’t have to.
    Hate comments will be deleted because I literally have no more f.cks to give.

  5. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    April 14, 2013 3:15pm UTC
    Just a quote.
    This is just a little something to let everyone out there who has been diagnosed professionally with depression that you are amazing and I'm so proud of you.
    I have bipolar disorder (among other things) and there is medicine I should be taking for it, but ever since I was little and my mom first started getting sick, I've been opposed to all medicines. So I haven't ever taken a pill to help control it.
    People like to make jokes about bipolar disorder. They say people that change their minds too quickly are bipolar. That isn't what bipolar is. People who are bipolar have a week or two where they feel really happy--sometimes too happy. It only takes something very small to shift their mood to the point where they're too upset to leave their room. I've missed a lot of school because of it. All it is is a simple hormonal imbalance in the brain. But it has a huge affect on my life and personality.
    Usually, when I get into one of those slumps, I'm able to make myself numb. I write or read or go out and I'm okay. Usually my slumps only last a few days, not weeks or months. But this weekend, I wasn't able to make myself numb.
    I was actually sad. I felt sad and I felt everything and it was probably the worst feeling ever. I couldn't stop crying and I actually started yelling at my father last night over the most trivial thing just because I felt so overwhelmed. The sadness literally consumed everything, I was too sad to even focus on reading. But I was just sad.
    People with depression have to live like that every single day. People who are professionally diagnosed, let me add. Because there is a difference between sadness and depression. I was only sad this weekend. I never want to know how it feels to be depressed.
    I have a whole new respect for people with depression. I was barely able to tolerate the weekend, never mind weeks and months of just the constant pain. The constant inability to focus. The constant feeling of being eaten by something intangible.
    I am so proud of you for making it this far. I don't know you and I don't have to know you to know that if you've been professionally diagnosed with depression that you are so incredibly strong and I can't emphasize it enough. I just though everyone out there struggling should know that you're going to be okay. I promise.
    You'll be okay.

  6. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 27, 2013 5:34pm UTC
    Today in school,
    someone asked me why I would voulantarily spend extra time writing. My response was:
    "This world sucks, so I created my own."

  7. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 26, 2013 4:12pm UTC
    It's finished.
    The rough draft of Chinese Lanterns was finished today at 3:44.
    I want to put the emphasis on 'rough draft.' It's no where close to being actually done. But it's getting there.
    The rough draft is 19 chapters and an epilogue. It's 117 pages and 56,361 words.
    The entire book takes place over 3 days. My teacher is calling it a "Masterpiece in the making."
    Would you like a little preview? (:
    I crossed the sands of the calm beaches, and I encountered the people who were lighting off the lanterns. We didn’t exchange words, I only passed by them. They stood on the beach directly in front of the cottage.
    The moon was a bright, wonderful orb in the dark night sky that evening, and I decided I didn’t actually want to go inside. So I moved myself to the water and, wading ankle deep, I watched the people light off the lanterns.
    That night was perfect. The wind was gentle, the beach was serene, and the moon was beautiful. As my eyes were locked on the wonderful sphere, I decided to myself that this would be the perfect place for a kiss.
    No sooner had the thought entered my mind, I heard the swishing of running footsteps splashing up the beach and through the water, in my direction. With a skipping heartbeat, I whirled my head around.
    I know it's not much, again, but at least it's something.
    Thank you guys for being awesome. I love you! I'll keep you updated when more stuff starts happening with it (:
    Peace.
    (Oh, by the way, there's a chance a girl I used to be friends with might be on 'The Voice' tonight. Her name's Dakota and she's kind of really pretty. She's a good singer (obviously) and used to go to my high school before she started to get homeschooled because she was travelling so much. Keep an eye out for her!)

  8. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 22, 2013 3:37pm UTC
    Macklemore.
    So I'm currently enrolled in a Public Speaking class in school. The first assignment was to write a speech on anything. It could only last from 2-3 minutes. So, I chose Macklemore. I thought you guys might enjoy it.
    "When I was asked the question, 'What are you going to do for your speech?' I answered with, 'Macklemore.' No one really knew who Macklemore was, so to describe him, I said, 'The guy who sings Thrift Shop.' Instantly, everyone knows who I'm talking about. And you guys kind of gave me weird looks or giggled, like, 'How is this girl going to write a 2 minute speech on a guy who sings about thrift shopping?'
    "Well, that guy is actually named Ben Haggerty. Ben was born June 19, 1983, in Seattle, Washington. In the year 2000, when he was 16, he began his music carreer. He released an album under the name of Prof. Macklemore. The album's sales were minimal.
    "In 2005, Macklemore began abusing substances. OxyContin, in specific. He hit rock bottom to the point where he lost everything; his home, his family, and even his music carreer. In 2008, after 3 years of drug addiction, he finally decided to clean himself up. He was sober by 2009.
    "The Heist was the next album to be released. This album was released under the name Macklemore. He dropped the Prof. The Heist features Thrift Shop, but it also has songs like Otherside and Same Love. On this album, Macklemore talks about adolescent violence, suicide, gay marriage and drug addiction. In his song Otherside, where he profiles substance abuse, he uses the quote:
    "You're stuck, looking in a mirror like I can't believe what I've become. Swore I was gonna be someone, and growing up, everyone always does. We sell our dreams and our potential to escape through that buzz.
    "Same Love describes Macklemore's views on gay marriage and gay rights. In that song, he uses the line:
    "It's the same hate that caused war over religion. Gender to skin color. The complexion of your pigment. The same fight that led people to walk-outs and sit-ins. It's human rights for everybody, there is no difference. Live on and be yourself.
    "And this man is famous for the line: I wear your grandad's clothes. I look incredible.
    "Macklemore is so much better than Thrift Shop. Macklemore is an inspiration and my idol. He's the reason why I keep pushing myself to be better and to make the right descions. He's such a poetic genius and it's disgusting that he's famous for potentially the worst song he'll ever produce. Macklemore is not the guy who sings Thrift Shop. Macklemore is the man who's attempting to change the genre of rap and hip hop music.
    "That is Macklemore. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you write a 2 minute speech on the man who sings about thrift shops."

  9. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 17, 2013 9:13pm UTC
    Dear followers,
    Hello. Christina here. (:
    I think I owe you guys an explanation as to why I haven't posted anything since the final chapter of my previous story. I didn't even give you an author's note. The last words that you read that were mine were, The End. That's not a very classy goodbye.
    No, this isn't a goodbye, if that's what you were wondering. This is just a 'See you later' sort of thing.
    The first reason I've been hesitant to post is the freaking moderators on here. The fact that Steve just handed over power to randoms makes me so mad. Like, deleting quotes that break the rules is one thing. Deleting my story is something completely different. There's nothing wrong with it and I worked really hard on that. So you, Anonymous Moderator, can go f.ck yourself.
    Okay, enough negative. Part two on Why Christina Hasn't Posted Anything In Days. I started another story called 'Kite Strings and Paper Dreams,' and honestly, it's not all that great. I'm not into in and I feel no need to continue on with a story I don't like. I'm not attached to these characters. I don't like it, I won't post it.
    So that leaves me with the question, "What do I post on Witty?"
    When I first asked myself this, I thought for a while. I have other ideas for short stories, but now, looking back, short stories are really just practice for me. They're nothing amazing. They're actually quite horrible compared to my more mature writing. And honestly, I feel like I've had enough practice. Like most of you may know, I am in contact with a published author by the name of Wendy Wunder. She wrote, 'The Probability of Miracles,' an awesome book which I have yet to finish, but I'm right in the middle and it's hard to put it down. We've emailed a few times back and forth, and it's really cool to have support from someone who's like her. Yesterday, I went into Boston and took a writing class she suggested for me and I met a bunch of other aspiring writers from the Boston area, and it's amazing to meet people with the same dreams as me.
    So, as you can tell, I've begun to take my writing very seriously. I don't have time for the short stories anymore, what with this life I've developed outside of the internet and with my bigger dreams. I don't want to waste time on something that I don't need anymore. Would a baseball player who's an amazing pitcher keep practicing his throwing, or should he move on to other things? I say he moves on. Which is what I'm doing.
    But I do want to give you a glimpse as to what I'm moving on to. Here's an excerpt from my book, "Chinese Lanterns."
    I was more than anything just watching the stars. They were beautiful, actually. Somewhat mystifying and enigmatic. Spellbinding. I remember laying in my yard when I was little, Sid by my side, while I just watched the stars. I knew they were motionless, and I felt bad for them. Living in a stationary life for the rest of eternity is not a life at all.
    However, these stars didn’t remain immobile. They drifted across the night sky. They weren’t actually stars at all. Confused, I sat up in the sand. “What’s that in the sky?”
    Jen followed my eyes. “Oh, those are Chinese Lanterns.”
    I know it's not much. You can read the rest when I get published (;
    But that's not the only reason I will not be writing short stories anymore.
    The reason I left Witty in the first place was not exactly the same reason. I was afraid of the fact that my stories might be stolen, and also, I felt like I had other business to attend to. I had developed more friends and again felt like there was no time for the internet. I swore I would never be back.
    In October, I found out my parents were getting a divorce. In November, we found out my mother was addicted to Oxycotton. In December, she was legally banned from my house and from seeing us. A few weeks ago, she left me a voicemail basically saying how much she hates me and how I belong in Juvenille Detention (for supporting my father) and how she never wants me to contact her again. Last weekend she left me another voicemail saying she's given up on me. So life got very real very fast for me. I detatched myself from everything and everyone. And, amidst feeling alone, I felt like I needed someone. So I turned to Witty again.
    I can't thank you guys enough for supporting me and helping me. It meant the world to me and it got me through a lot. But I'm okay now. For the first time in half a year, I can say I'm happy again. That feels so amazing.
    That's why I'm not going to say I'm never coming back. Because I know if I ever feel really lost or really alone, I've got Witty to count on. I never realized how much all of you guys have done for me. Elizabeth, Melanie, Joe and Eli to name a few. I love all of you who helped me through everything. You're all really godda mn perfect.
    I will stay on my quote account, and you can contact me on my tumblr (links on my profile).
    This is not a goodbye.
    See you later, Witty.

  10. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 13, 2013 7:27pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 65
    The sixth day I went without eating was the day nobody left my side. We all sat in the living room together as Anthony recited a book aloud to us.
    It was Stained, by Jennifer Richard Jacobson. As he retold the story, I was sort of swept back to San Salvador, where Anthony and I first lived together, where we first shared the same bed. Reflecting back, I realized those sixteen days were the happiest days of my life.
    All because of Anthony.
    My head was in his lap, and a warm blanket covered my body.
    I wasn’t listening to his words anymore; rather I was focused on his face.
    I remembered when Billy died, and how I spent days in my room, crying and alone. I hoped Anthony wouldn’t be like that over me. I hoped he wouldn’t cry over me. I spent the last four months of my life working so hard just to make him happy. I didn’t want to make him unhappy in any way now.
    I’d seen him cry plenty of times since I became like this. He tried to be secretive with it, but wasn’t always successful. Even now I swore his eyes looked slightly glassier than they normally did.
    I wasn’t afraid of death anymore. I guess in some respect I was, but not nearly as much as I had been. I’d grown to be accepting of it, and almost appreciative of it. It was some sort of escape from this pain.
    I felt my breathing turn raspy, almost like my throat was closing. I tried to remain calm and slow my breathing. I hoped nobody would notice.
    Of course, Anthony did. He only looked at me shortly. I tried to force a smile to tell him that I was okay, but my lips couldn’t manage a twitch.
    I felt his breath on my face. He was warm and enchanting. I closed my eyes with the delight of his breath on me.
    I heard him put the book down as he cradled me in his arms. I was in his arms, and I was okay.
    I loved the feeling of being in his arms. His arms felt like home, like I belonged there, like they morphed perfectly to my body. Like they were made just for me. In his arms, I was fit. Invincible, even. And I loved it.
    In his arms, I felt healthy, and he felt healthy beneath me. I felt no hindrances of chemotherapy or of leukemia, and every breath I took seemed fresher than the next.
    I was strong again. I was resilient and focused, and life was breathed into me. I was vigorous. I had confidence.
    I was safe. I was protected. Nothing could get at me; I wasn’t afraid. In his arms, I was fearless.
    He created a shield around me by simply letting me swim in the perfection of his touch. In his arms, I was sheltered.
    He took the weight of the world off of my shoulders by simply wrapping his arms around my body. We were okay now. I was okay now. Not even the illusory fear of death could penetrate the wall of protection Anthony’s arms created.
    I loved his hugs. I felt needed, wanted. In his arms, I felt loved. Like I had a purpose. Like I was someone’s reason to smile, laugh, fight, live, even. I loved the feeling his arms brought over me.
    He had a way of making me feel like I was on air, like I had no problems. He created a world of his own by wrapping his arms around me.
    And I became breathless, weightless. I hadn’t any problems. I was lost again. It was amazing, how I felt in his arms.
    And in his arms, I had purpose. I wasn’t worthless anymore. He filled the vacancy in my chest with an infinite love. He completed me.
    In his arms, I was important. He made me feel special. His arms were weak themselves, but they made me feel so strong.
    I was in his arms, and I was okay.
    And just like that, the pain was gone. I felt healthy again, like I did the night we spent on the lake. The night I fell in love with him.
    I was in his arms, and I was okay.
    I couldn’t feel his touch on me anymore. I could only feel the water that surrounded me. It was warm and gentle and dark. It reminded me of the waters of San Salvador, and I imagined that the beach there would be my heaven. I bathed myself in the water.
    I inhaled gently. My last breath.
    I was in his arms, and I was okay.
    The End.

  11. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 11, 2013 7:28pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 64
    I could feel it growing on me. It shadowed me, followed me everywhere. I was inhaling it, I slept in a pool of it. Every time I closed my eyes, it was there.
    The death I felt around me was inescapable.
    I hadn’t eaten in five days, and I hadn’t left the couch in three. Anthony stayed with me, unmoving. He could tell, everyone could tell.
    Anthony had become more open about death. He’d began to understand that while this wasn’t entirely what I wanted, that it was my own decision, my own doing.
    “I’ll miss you,” I offered in a room flooded by silence.
    His features hardened. “Kaitlyn, stop.”
    He was still uncomfortable discussing death. I suppose I should’ve been more considerate of him, but I was thinking selfishly.
    “Stop what?”
    “Stop trying to say goodbye. It’s not over yet.”
    “Anthony, I’m tired.” His eyes met mine. “I will miss you, though.”
    He dipped his head again. “Not half as much as I’ll miss you.”
    I shrugged. “I’m nothing special. You’ll get over me.”
    “I won’t, Kaitlyn.”
    “What’s there to miss?”
    Almost immediately, he snapped, “I’m going to miss the way you walk. I’m going to miss the way you speak, the way you treat everyone so gentle.” His voice initially came out angry, but it had softened as he continued. “I’m going to miss the smell of your skin and the twinkling in your eyes when I can make you laugh. I’m going to miss making memories, like we’d done all summer. I’m going to miss kissing you and holding your hand. I’m going to miss wrapping you in my arms and feeling like a superhero because I was the one thing that could make the woman I loved happy. I’m going to miss your laugh and I’m going to miss knowing I was the reason behind your smiles.” His eyes met mine. A flow of tears streamed down both of our faces. “I’m going to miss having someone there. I’m going to miss having someone who’s proud of you, someone who’s always been there. I’m going to miss, well, everything, Kaitlyn.”
    I couldn’t speak. The words wouldn’t come to me.
    “I’m going to miss you, Kaitlyn. And to be honest, it f.cking p.sses me off when you put yourself down. You know how special you are to me. Don’t say you’re nothing special. You’re amazing.”
    And suddenly, guilt overwhelmed me. “Anthony, I’m sorry,” I coughed through my sobs.
    “Sorry about what?”
    “Giving up.”
    He shook his head. “You didn’t give up, Kaitlyn. You were such a fighter. I’m so proud of you. You know that, right?”
    “I could’ve done one of the treatments. I could’ve been stronger—“
    “A person can only be so strong for so long, Kaitlyn.”
    I felt my body shudder. I couldn’t speak.
    “Wherever you are, Kail,” he hummed to me, “wherever I am. I’m yours, remember? I always will be.” He looked me in the eyes. “So you can let go now.”
    I'll post the last chapter tomorrow if this even pops up in your news feed.
    *I don't notify, please don't ask.*

  12. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 9, 2013 4:11pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 63
    “Do you remember that hello?” I asked him as I laid on the couch. Anthony sat on the chair beside me, his head in his hands, but with my words he was instantly alert.
    “What?”
    “That hello. That hello that started everything.”
    And everything that we would become and endure all started with a very simple, “Hello.”
    He grinned. “Of course I remember that hello.”
    “The hello that started it all,” I breathed, closing my eyes.
    He laughed shortly, sitting back in his chair. “What would we do without Nurse Martin?”
    As I thought of her face, I couldn’t help but smile. “We wouldn’t be here, that’s for sure.”
    “And that bucket list of yours wouldn’t be completed.”
    I mused this for a moment. “Can you get that for me?”
    “The bucket list?”
    “Yeah, and a pen.”
    So he did, and he returned with the paper. It was heavily torn now.
    “Why’d you need that?”
    “I have to cross off number three.”
    “What’s that?”
    My eyes met his. “Find the thing that makes me happiest.”
    3. Find the thing that makes me happiest.
    * * *
    I had begun to eat less and sleep more, and I would grow sleepy at random times of the day. Like, maybe at around eleven in the morning, though I’d only been awake for three hours.
    Everyone seemed to understand, and wanted to help out. My mother brought me lunches and Morgan and Aidan kept me occupied with stories and they attempted games, but the games only lasted as long as I could keep my concentration for.
    Anthony was just always there.
    We laid in bed together one night when I asked him, “When did you first realize you were in love with me?”
    “When we were at Alex’s grandmother’s house,” he told me immediately, like an instinct. “When we both slept on the hardwood floors together and I woke up and you were still sleeping. I remember looking at you and thinking about how beautiful you looked.” He paused to look at me. “That’s when I first realized I was in love with you.”
    I wanted to continue off of what he said; I wanted to branch off of it. But the only words that slipped from my lips were, “I’m afraid to die.”
    I could tell he didn’t know how to respond, and I wish I hadn’t said it. I wish I controlled myself.
    “Anthony, listen,” I sighed, deciding that there was no better time to say this than now. “I’m dying, and it’s kind of inevitable. But you’re not. You’re here, and you’re young, and you’re on the road to being healthy. So don’t stop living your life because I stopped living mine.”
    His entire body stiffened. “What?”
    “You told me death was a part of life. It is, it’s natural. It happens every day. The world doesn’t stop when someone dies. And you were right. So when I’m gone, you have to stay.”
    Instead of replying with a spoken word, he answered with a tight squeeze of his arms around my thinning body and a kiss to my cheek. I took that as a goodnight, and I fell asleep peacefully in his arms.
    So there are two chapters left. lol.
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  13. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 7, 2013 8:18pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 62
    For a while I felt better. I felt stronger with more energy. I slept less and ate more, and I could feel myself gaining weight back. I could feel my body healing itself.
    It was short-lived, though. After about four weeks, we’d all realized that was only because the weight of chemo was no longer on my body.
    Anthony never left my side for the following weeks. He slept in the space beside me in my bed, he kept my head on his chest when we sat on the couch and our fingers intertwined when we ate meals. He was already awake when I first opened my eyes, and as I drifted off to sleep, he kept his eyes on me.
    He needed to watch me. He never knew if any breath I took would be my last.
    Aidan and Morgan spent a lot of extra time around me as well. They were always asking if I was alright, if I needed anything, how I was feeling. They were around me constantly, giving Anthony and I very little time alone together.
    So when they took a daytrip out to some stores, we took advantage of it.
    We laid on the couch together, him just holding me. He played with my fingers in his, enjoying the simple sound of the breath entering and leaving my body.
    I felt awful for Anthony. I wasn’t a wife anymore. I wasn’t a best friend or a lover. I was a child now. I needed the constant care, I needed the constant support and I was unable to give anything to him in return, though he probably needed it more than I did.
    “How are you really?” he murmured to me casually.
    I had grown so used to saying, “I’m fine,” or, “I’m okay,” that I almost said those words again. But as I took a breath, I realized I could say whatever I wanted. Anthony was my husband. This was the man I trusted more that I’d ever trusted anyone.
    So I was honest. “I’m angry.”
    “About what?”
    “I’m sixteen. I should be thinking about when I’ll be getting my license, maybe even college. Now I’m thinking about my death. It’s unfair.”
    “I’m angry too.”
    “Sometimes I just lay awake thinking about how f.cking angry I am. About how unfair this is. But I can’t show it, that’s not fair to everybody else.”
    “Don’t hide anything, Kail. I mean, we’re here to support you.”
    “That’d be selfish of me to do. I wouldn’t do that.”
    He didn’t respond, so the room returned to silence. I’d said what I wanted to say, I hadn’t anything else to get off my chest. Not at that moment, at least.
    Morgan and Aidan returned home eventually to sit in the den with us. Anthony’s words repeated in my head. We’re here to support you. Don’t hide anything.
    So I turned to Morgan. “I kind of wish Dad was here.”
    “Why?”
    I noticed my mother in the kitchen. “I don’t know. I guess it’d be nice.”
    “He doesn’t deserve to be here,” she grumbled.
    There was about ten seconds of silence before I heard my mother squeak, “Kaitlyn?”
    My head rolled to look at her, slightly surprised. She hadn’t initiated conversation with me since I was in middle school. She had stains of tear tracks down her cheeks. “Yeah, Mom?”
    “I’m sorry, Kaitlyn,” she breathed through sobs. “I love you and I’m sorry.”
    I hate this chapter. And I hate that my quotes keep getting removed. Like, ugh.
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  14. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 6, 2013 9:07pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 61
    I had to leave Anthony’s hospital room to vomit in the bathroom just down the hall. My breathing shortened and I felt incessant tears roll down my cheeks. I pinched my eyes shut, hoping that if I blocked out my vision, it would block out everything else too.
    That wasn’t the case.
    I didn’t return to Anthony’s hospital room that day, or any day following. I couldn’t look him in the face. I couldn’t be around him. Not with the guilt I felt.
    * * *
    I remained unmoving from my bed. This was the fourth day straight that I’d just laid there. A pool of tears collected on my cheek from past days, and it felt like as the weather grew colder and more desolate with the upcoming winter, so did the rest of my life.
    A gentle rapping on the door was heard, but I ignored it, just like I had everything else. It wasn’t dinnertime yet, so whatever I was being called for was unimportant.
    Though I hadn’t given the person permission to come in, they did anyways. “I didn’t say come in,” I growled.
    “You also didn’t say stay out.”
    I knew the voice all too well. I flipped over on my bed, sitting up now. “Anthony?”
    He breathed deeply. “Hey, Kail.”
    I just stared at him for a moment. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
    “Why not?”
    I bowed my head. “I thought you hated me.”
    He took a seat on my bed beside me. “That’s… ridiculous. I just needed time to think.”
    “About what?”
    “Everything.”
    His hand brushed over mine so gently, like he was afraid of touching me. “Don’t treat me like I’m so fragile,” I kidded, nudging him. “I’m not like that.”
    “I’ve always treated you fragile,” he hummed. Before I could comment on it, he blurted, “Look, Kail, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything that’s happened. I mean, I need to be here. I need to be with you, I need to help you. I need to spend as much time with you as I can.”
    “The doctors said I could have years left.”
    “They also said you could only have weeks.”
    I swallowed my words.
    “I love you,” he told me. “And, I just, I don’t know. My entire life has kind of been sporadic and random, like there was nothing stable. And you were the first thing in my life to ever be stable. You were the first thing that was always there, no matter what. And I saw myself with you. I found myself with you, and I found a future with you.”
    I didn’t know what to say to that, the words wouldn’t fit in my mouth properly. “I’m here,” I murmured, because it was all I could promise. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. “For now, at least, I’m here.”
    I think Witty finds pleasure in being an absolute f.cktard. If Chapter 60 didn't show up on your feed, then it's Witty's fault, and go read it now. It only got like 30 faves and apparently there was a swear even though the whole 'Holy Ship' thing didn't come up. But yeah. If it does that again I might have a panic attack. Just saying.
    *I don't notify, please don't ask.*

  15. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 5, 2013 9:12pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 60
    “Yes?” I asked as soon I was within range.
    “This way, please,” she murmured, leading me through the door and down a long corridor. We turned down many hallways. I had to make sure I followed close behind her, or else I’d get lost.
    “How is he?” I inquired desperately.
    “He’s fine,” she told me, not looking up from her clipboard.
    “Is he okay? Will he be okay?”
    She grinned at me as she pulled another door open. “Well, why don’t you ask him yourself?”
    I stepped inside the room and I found him there, laying on the bed. His eyes were opened but dreary, and I could tell the smile on his face was forced.
    I was close to tears at that point. “Anthony?”
    “The medication hasn’t exactly worn off yet,” the nurse told me. “He’s still kind of waking up.”
    I exhaled heavily through my nose, feeling a warm rush flow down my cheek. “Hi.”
    He grinned. “Hi.”
    I crossed the room to sit beside him. “How are you?”
    “I’m, well, getting by, I guess.” He took my hand in his. “How are you? How’d the appointment go?”
    I felt my heart slump inside my chest. “Well,” I murmured, sitting.
    I had his full attention now. “What?”
    “Did they get the entire tumor?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
    He eyed me suspiciously. “Yeah. They said it’s possible that I might need physical rehab for the damage done during the seizure, but other than that, it went fine.”
    “I’m surprised you can talk now.”
    He smirked. “I was pretty heavily medicated for a good eight hours. But, hey, I guess this is a good thing, right?” I nodded gently. “So how about that meeting you had?”
    I should’ve known better than to think he would’ve forgotten it. “It was productive.”
    “Productive in what way?” He knew I was hiding something.
    “Productive meaning there was a big decision made.”
    “What was that?”
    I took a deep breath. “I’m not continuing the chemo treatments.”
    His eyes were fairly disconcerted. “Why?”
    “It had no effect on the cancer.”
    He flinched, as if I had hit him. “So, what treatment are they starting you with?”
    “They’re not.”
    His eyes widened, and I wondered if he might cry. “So you’re not doing anything about it?”
    “No.” Every word was ripped from my throat, so much so it actually hurt.
    “Kaitlyn,” he breathed, “you’re just letting yourself die? You won’t fight?”
    “I’ve been fighting,” I told him. “I’m tired, Anthony, I can’t keep fighting.”
    I saw the utter hopelessness in his eyes as he murmured breathlessly, “Kaitlyn, I can’t lose you.”
    This chapter wasn't showing up and had a swear somewhere, so I'm reposting it. Hopefully it's all good now.
    *I don't notify, please don't ask.*

  16. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 4, 2013 7:34pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 59
    “Why?” Morgan questioned immediately.
    “Well,” the doctor murmured, flipping through some papers, “we’ve noticed that the chemotherapy wasn’t helping your body, only hurting it.”
    Morgan and I glanced to each other, sort of breathless. Her eyes darted back to the doctor.
    “So why’d you keep her on the chemo for so long?”
    “Because sometimes the blood tests reveal false success.”
    “So what does that mean?”
    “It basically means that we’ve been hurting her more than we’ve been helping.”
    Their conversation seemed to echo around me. I couldn’t understand anything they were saying. I was completely lost in my own thoughts. Was I really dying? At sixteen, with so much life ahead of me? Was all that chemo treatment worthless?
    Was I actually dying?
    Morgan’s sharp words snapped me back to reality. “So not only is her time limited, but you’ve helped to decrease it?”
    “No,” the doctor answered immediately. “No, there are other treatment options. We can do—“
    “No,” I interrupted before he could start. “No, I don’t want any more treatment.”
    Morgan’s eyes widened at me before looking coolly back to the doctor. “No, look, she’ll take the treatment—“
    “No, I won’t, Morgan,” I hissed at her. “I’ve suffered enough. I don’t want my death to be dragged out any longer.”
    Morgan trembled slightly in the seat beside me. “Kaitlyn,” the doctor hummed, “there are other options–”
    “Stop trying to persuade me. It’s my body. I’ll do what I want. I don’t want any more treatment.”
    “You’re young, Kaitlyn! Just think!” Morgan shrilled at me.
    “I’m dying, alright?” I spat at her. As I said the words aloud for the first time, they finally hit me, just how real they were. “I’d rather spend the last few months of my life in peace than agonizing pain.”
    "You don't have to die!" she shrilled.
    "I want to be remembered as peaceful in my death, not haggard and barely breathing. I don't want any more treatment."
    The room was silent for a while after that. The only thing heard was breathing.
    “Okay,” the doctor said indefinitely. “No more treatments.”
    “How long does she have?” Morgan asked. Her breathing trembled.
    He shrugged. “It depends. It could be two months, it could be twelve years. I guess it’s all based on how her body reacts to the stoppage of the chemo. I mean, even by chance of a miracle, the cancer could go away.”
    He didn't seem so confident in himself.
    We were dismissed from the hospital that day, but I wasn’t leaving. I had a husband who was still in there fighting for his life, though mine was already limited.
    * * *
    A nurse appeared in the doorway of the small waiting room. “Miss Thompson?” she murmured gently, and I immediately stood. I’d been waiting for hours in the same chair, staring blankly at walls, my mind racing with a billion thoughts.
    “Yes?”
    “Come here. I’d like a word with you.”
    So your thoughts? (:
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  17. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 3, 2013 7:26pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 58
    “It’s a fourteen hour procedure,” the nurse informed both Anthony’s mother and I. We already knew everything we were being told, but we were listening to every word she said like our lives depended on it. “You’ll be able to see him tomorrow, or as soon as he’s stable.”
    She said that like he was guaranteed to be stable again. I glanced over to him, my eyes burning from the stationary tears that waded in them.
    He wasn’t nervous in the slightest. His eyes perked up to mine, and a grin stretched across his face.
    “He’ll be all set to go home in about three to four days,” the nurse continued.
    And suddenly, I hated the nurse. Just the sound of her voice made me want to cry.
    I heard Anthony chuckle from across the room. “I’ll be alright, Kail,” he told me.
    The nurse smiled to me. “He’s in good hands.”
    Shut up, I wanted to say. Stop trying to act like he’s okay when you know all too well that he’s not. But all I could muster out was, “I know.”
    She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, directing the smile to him now. “Are you ready to be taken into the operating room?”
    I stood from my chair, my breath shortening as she wheeled his bed towards the door. I looked his entire body over and realized that this might have been the last time I’d ever get to see him. So I breathed in deeply and uttered an, “I love you.”
    As the bed passed by me, I felt his hand brush mine as our eyes met. His were smiling, mine were miserable. “I love you too.”
    * * *
    It was the same day that Morgan had scheduled a meeting with my doctor. They had taken some blood tests, and they wanted to discuss the results with me.
    Morgan and I waited in a familiar room together. I could’ve very well been in this room before, but at the same time, all the rooms looked the same.
    “What do you think this is about?” I asked her.
    Her eyes were on mine for a split second. “I don’t know.”
    “When you were on the phone with them, did it sound like good news?”
    “They didn’t tell me anything.”
    “But their tone. Like, did they sound happy?”
    “They sounded normal.”
    She wasn’t being cooperative, so I sat back in my chair and waited. I was holding my breath, half because I was nervous about Anthony and half because I was nervous about myself as well.
    Eventually, the doctor did enter the room. He greeted the both of us, and then, looking me dead in the eye, said, “So, Kaitlyn, we’re going to stop your chemotherapy treatments.”
    Feedback, lovelies.
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  18. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 3, 2013 4:00pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 57
    I drew another heart on the margin of the paper. It was riddled with them now; I drew to keep myself occupied.
    “How much is left on that bucket list, anyways?” Anthony asked me.
    I swallowed hard. “Two bullets.”
    “What are they?”
    “Numbers three and twenty-five,” I answered, hoping he wouldn’t push any further.
    But he did anyways. “What are they, Kail?”
    “Number three’s ‘Discover the thing that makes me happiest.’”
    He grinned, closing his eyes gently. “And number twenty-five?”
    I kept my eyes on the paper. “It doesn’t matter.”
    He rolled his head to look at me, his brow furrowed. “Why won’t you tell me?”
    “Because it doesn’t matter,” I repeated.
    He exhaled shortly. “I’m your husband, Kail. Aren’t we supposed to trust each other?”
    “Aren’t we supposed to have an idea of privacy?” After a moment, he grinned widely and I heard him laughing to himself. “What?”
    “Kaitlyn, neither of us know what privacy is. Remember how be both broke into each other’s hospital rooms when we were clearly unwanted?”
    I did remember that. I remembered first starting chemo and wanting nothing other than solitude but instead finding a boy who was there to keep me company. I remember pushing open Anthony’s bathroom door to find a blood-covered room and a trembling boy beside the toilet.
    “So are you going to tell me number twenty-five, or no?”
    “No.”
    He snorted. “Now you know how I felt when you pestered me about not crying in front of you. Remember, at Alex’s grandmother’s house?”
    I did remember. “You still haven’t cried in front of me.”
    “We’ve been over this,” he moaned. “I don’t like to upset you.”
    “Touché. That’s why I’m not telling you number twenty-five.”
    “You won’t upset me. I’m hard to upset.”
    I brought my eyes up to his. “To die around the people I love,” I told him.
    “What?”
    “Number twenty-five is to die around the people I love.”
    He grimaced. “That’s on your bucket list?”
    “It’s my bucket list,” I told him defensively.
    He snorted. “That’s not the point of a bucket list.”
    I glanced up to him. “What do you mean?”
    “I mean that a bucket list should be written from an inspirational point of view. A bucket list should have a bunch of things that you want to accomplish in your life. A bucket list shouldn’t have things about your death. That’s not the point.”
    I pushed my eyes back to the list. “I told you you’d get upset.”
    “I’m not upset. I’m speaking logically right now.”
    “Well, I didn’t ask for your opinion.”
    He didn’t respond for a while, so I glanced up to him and found his eyes shut as he faced the ceiling, a solitary tear rolling down his cheek.
    I knew I should’ve regretted telling him number twenty-five, but it was the first thing I said that allowed him to cry in front of me.
    My brother had his championship basketball game today. He won, obviously.
    But the refs had to talk to me for the second time this weekend about my 'over-supportive behavior.' lol I have no self control in those games.
    *I don't notify, please don't ask.*

  19. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    March 1, 2013 8:21pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 56
    “What are you thinking?”
    My weary eyes found his as I sat in the chair by the window. The only time I’d left the chair all night was to get some water and to use the bathroom.
    I sighed. “Nothing, to be honest.”
    He grinned at me. “You’re exhausted.”
    I shook my head. “I’m not.”
    “Kaitlyn,” he moaned, “I know you better than you think I do.”
    “I’m not tired. I’m okay, really.”
    “You’ve been awake all night.”
    “It doesn’t matter if I’m tired,” I growled, agitated now. “I don’t want to go to sleep.”
    “Why not?”
    My eyes found his. “I don’t want to leave you again.”
    “I’m fine,” he promised soothingly. “Please, just go to sleep.”
    After spending what seemed like forever gazing into his eyes, I felt myself drift off into the perfect tantalize that was sleep.
    Sleep is death enjoyed. That’s a famous quote I heard somewhere, but I’m not entirely sure who said it. It’s completely true. Sleep is a momentary lapse in time where you are allowed to be gone. You’re allowed to be painless and possibly happy where you bathe yourself in your own fantasies. You don’t need to uphold the stress that is kept on your shoulders.
    But it has to end. You have to wake up, you have to face reality eventually.
    Just like everything else, sleep is only temporary.
    That’s something many people don’t understand. Everything is only temporary. They fall for the illusion that everything is infinite. They seem to think that the people they trust now will be the people who will never betray them. They like to think the people they love now will always be there. I guess I was like that, too. A stupid fool.
    Nothing is forever. Nothing is completely guaranteed. You are not promised tomorrow. The people you love are not promised tomorrow. Nothing is vowed and anything can happen.
    I awoke with these thoughts in my head without the slightest idea of how they got there. The first sight I saw when I woke up was Anthony.
    “It’s kind of upsetting,” I murmured to myself.
    “What is?” he asked, overhearing me.
    “The fact that nothing’s guaranteed.”
    He pondered the thought for a moment. “Well, there is one thing.”
    “What’s that?”
    He rolled his head to look at me. “The only thing life guarantees is death.”
    So my teacher, an author I'm in contact with, and the few editors I'm talking to are absolutely convinced I'm going to get my book published.
    *I don't notify, please don't ask.*

  20. xxHelloLovelyxx xxHelloLovelyxx
    posted a quote
    February 28, 2013 9:01pm UTC
    in his arms
    Chapter 55
    Before I could react, he blurted, “Just kidding. I’m just kidding, Kail. I know who you are.”
    I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. “Anthony!” I hissed, slapping his shoulder. “Don’t ever do that to me again!”
    He flinched away from my touch, laughing shortly. “I was kidding! I’m sorry!”
    I slumped into the chair beside his bed, too emotionally and physically drained to keep myself standing any longer. I buried my face in my hands. “Oh my God, Anthony. I’ve never been so scared.”
    “Hey,” he crooned, placing a cold hand over my knee. “I’m alright. I was just screwiing with you.”
    I tried to regulate my breathing, sitting back in the chair. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I inhaled another deep breath.
    Inhale. Exhale. That was the only thing my mind processed.
    “Well,” I heard the nurse say, “at least you got him to speak.”
    “He’d been talking for a while,” the other nurse, who was a male, told her.
    “Well, Anthony,” she huffed, “like I was just telling your mother and wife, you’ve just suffered a seizure.”
    His face suddenly went grave and his eyes wide as he looked up to her. “Really?”
    “Yes. We believe it’s from the brain tumor. As of right now,” she told him, shutting the door, “you’re lucky you can speak.”
    His chest rose and fell in deep, smooth breaths. He looked away from everyone, making no eye contact.
    “Now, our plan is to keep you in the hospital until your scheduled brain surgery. We understand that’s coming up fairly soon?”
    “October 15,” he muttered lowly.
    The ends of her lips turned up into a slight smile. “Well then, you’re here for two days. I would probably suggest that you don’t leave the room, or the bed, even. You really need to rest up, this is a big operation you’re having done.”
    “Okay,” he grumbled, quite rudely.
    “Well, how are you feeling now?” his mother asked; I could tell she was anxious to talk to him.
    The nurses and I left them to have time alone together. I waited in a chair just outside the hospital room, afraid to leave him again. Just a few minutes later, his mother exited the room, tears staining her cheeks.
    “He wants to see you,” she told me, smiling through her tears. So I stood from my chair and, without a word towards her, went into his room.
    “I’m sorry, Kail,” he told me, his head bowed.
    “Stop, Anthony. Really.” He gritted his teeth hard, clenching his fists into ballls. I took the seat beside his bed and placed a hand over his. “What’s wrong?”
    “Nothing.”
    I knew him too well. Smiling, I murmured, “No, I know what’s wrong.”
    His eyes found mine. “What?”
    “You’re so used to putting your illness in the back of your mind. You’re so used to thinking that you’re stronger than it, and you’ve never really considered the consequences. But today, today showed you you’re not as strong as you wish to be.”
    He rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. “Reality really slaps you in the face when something unthinkable happens.”
    “Well, reality knocked me out today,” I murmured, caressing his hand. “I thought I lost you.”
    “I promised you wouldn’t lose me,” he breathed, flashing me a smile. “Not today.”
    lol. did i scare you? (;
    btw there's 10 chapters left just saying.
    *I don't notify, please don't ask.*

:)

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