xele91097x's Quotes

xele91097x
posted a quote
December 4, 2012 6:23pm UTC

that moment of deep emotional bond when you take your food out of the microwave.

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xele91097x
posted a quote
December 2, 2012 1:19pm UTC

me: *finds old photo of myself*
me: oh my god what was i wearing
me: oh my god my hair
me: oh my god what was wrong with me
me: *disintegrates photo and moves into a garbage can in Finland*

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 27, 2012 6:51pm UTC

Plot twist: I can flirt back
Plot twist: someone flirts with me
Plot twist: someone talks to me
Plot twist: a male displays signs of acknowledging my existence

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 26, 2012 6:04pm UTC

How to eat a chocolate bar
Step 1: unwrap chocolate
Step 2: convince yourself you will only have one piece
Step 3: lose all self control and devour entire chocolate bar in 3.4 seconds
Step 4: cry and feel bad about yourself
Step 5: learn nothing and repeat steps with a new chocolate bar.

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 26, 2012 5:26pm UTC

me: why don't i have a boyfriend
me: i mean i'm so chill
me: i wouldn't get jealous or whiny or annoying like most girls
me: *wearing no pants*
me: * hasn't shaved legs in two weeks*
me: *is eating nutella with bare hands*
coin:
ancient temple:
Vladimir Putin:
me:
me:
me: maybe i'm so attractive guys are intimidated by my aphrodite-like beauty
me: yes that explains it
me: ...
me: yes

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 17, 2012 2:52pm UTC

other girls: *have 20+ friends, many of which are guyfriends, and plenty of people to hang out with all the time*
me: who wants to hang out!!!!1
normal humans:
me:
normal humans:
me:
me: myself it is

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 17, 2012 2:12pm UTC

click to see this quote

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 14, 2012 5:58pm UTC

me: *first to hand in test*
rest of class: *follows my example and hands in test*
me:
me:
me:
me: i am a powerful human being
me:
me: dance my puppets

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 7, 2012 8:06pm UTC

me: i have to do my homework
me: i'll do it in a half hour
me: *sits on computer until march 2076*

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 5, 2012 6:02pm UTC

i want to kiss you.

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 4, 2012 4:24pm UTC

person: what do you do in your free time?
me: go on the internet
person: oh cool, I like going on the internet too!
me: no
person:
me:
person:
me: you don't understand

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 4, 2012 4:19pm UTC

me: *opens textbook*
me: *rewards self with an hour on the internet*

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xele91097x
posted a quote
November 2, 2012 4:10pm UTC

me: *reads math problem*
me: i'm going to be a stripper

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xele91097x
posted a quote
October 29, 2012 6:43pm UTC

that adrenaline rush
that you get when ordering food at a restaurant because you're socially impaired

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xele91097x
posted a quote
October 29, 2012 6:29pm UTC

I miss you.
I miss the way you talk.
I miss your smile.
I miss talking to you every day.
I miss how you made me blush.
I miss how you could brighten up my day.
I miss how easily you could make me smile.
I miss the butterflies I got whenever I saw you.
I miss your messages telling me you're thinking about me.
I miss how you called me pet names.
I miss thinking about you and only being able to smile.
I miss how happy I was with you.
I miss you.

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xele91097x
posted a quote
October 27, 2012 2:43pm UTC

mom: honey I'm leaving for a couple hours, please vaccuum and do the dishes
me: yes mother
mom: *leaves*
me: *forgets responsibilities and goes on the internet*
mom: *comes back* did you do what i asked you?
me: this is how i die

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xele91097x
posted a quote
October 26, 2012 5:14pm UTC

I am the kind of person
who would spend an hour at the gym just to reward
myself with a massive bowl of ice cream

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xele91097x
posted a quote
October 17, 2012 6:57pm UTC

woman in commercial: *wakes up looking like she was created by the goddess Athena, stretches gracefully revealing perfectly tanned, hairless skin, with silky hair waterfalling on her shoulders and a flawless, rosy complexion*
me: *rolls out of bed looking like I slept in a cardboard box in a sewer and got attacked by a greasy homeless man*

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xele91097x
posted a quote
October 2, 2012 5:45pm UTC

me: i'm so out of shape
me: i wish i could go for a run
me:
me:
me: but i just never have time...
me:
mud hut:
parliament:
me: *vegetates on witty profiles*

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xele91097x
posted a quote
October 1, 2012 6:39pm UTC

i don't think you understand how much i miss you.

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Witty Profiles

xele91097x