I need to get this off of my chest;
We were best friends, we talked to each other about everything. EVERYTHING.
I knew your whole life story, and every little part of your future you had planned and memorized. How your home life was bad and no one gave you money to get the things you needed. I had a job, and I had no problem with helping you out with anything. Tanning, contacts, clothes, your phone, and just being there when you needed someone. I always was there for you. I didn't really have a girl bestfriend... I used to but when we went to different high schools, all of that fell apart, and I blamed myself. I promised I'd be the very best friend that I could be. Even if it meant that I got in trouble, or meant putting someone other that myself first. Like when you blew me off to see your ex for "only a few minutes" and it turn into you not talking to me until eleven pm. You were supposed to sleep over and I was supposed to meet you up the street. Then at twelve am, I was panicked, and got a friend to drive me around the neighborhood looking for you because your phone died. I finally found you, and you slept over, even though my Mom was a little mad, and I was so so scared, we pretened nothing happened, and you called your ex and talked all night. Or that one time where you needed somewhere to go because you went over your ex's house to mess around and after he was threw you out. I didn't even ask why or what had happened, you said you needed a place to go and I let you in. My Mom knew and she told me that the next time you decided to be a booty call then need somewhere to go, to let me know before hand. She was exactly right, but I lied and told her your aunt threw you out. Remember staying up all those nights texting about everything? Remember all those mall trips and how much we were at my house? You basically lived here, I mean, you were here so much my Mom started to really care about you, and thought of you as her second daughter, you even had your own tooth brush here. I paid for you to get clothes, I sound funny admitting this but honestly, I did everything for you. I put up with you during those fights you and your ex had everyday, and I lied to him when he asked me if you told me anything... and truely, honestly,
I could have wrote him a book of everything that I knew about you that he didn't.
Everyone you messed around with, every lie you ever told, everything was beyond safe with me; I'd never tell.
January 4th came around, the day before my birthday. My Mom got drunk and was yelling and went to hit me. I had to leave my house and the only person that could have came and got me, was my... OUR ex, because you dated him too, Alex. I ended up seeing you there, and then we went our seperate ways. I was texting you, and as it turns out, my boyfriend was texting you too, trying to get in touch with me. Which is funny because he didn't message me or call me like he said he did but whatever. I figured you knew to not say anything about me and Alex, because it wasn't like that in the least bit, and you knew that. I wanted to be able to explain that to him, because he texted me after and I was too upset to explain it to him right then, so I just said I went to dinner with my family. Yes, I lied. I couldn't handle the fight that would have started by just telling him after what happened with my Mom. I figured we were best friends, and that meant you were supposed to have my back. But what did you do? You told him...It caused a huge fight, between me and you, and me and him. You then told me how I was crazy and I shouldn't do stuff like that and all this other completley insane crap. Then on my birthday, you and my boyfriend both fought with me, and made me cry. You called me crazy and literally, I could not believe how you treated me after everything I had done for you. Congrats, I hope you feel like such wonderful people, because you both ruined my birthday.
After us fighting, I wanted my clothes back. That's it. Just all my stuff. So I told you, and to add insult to injury, you went to my boyfriend and told him everything I had ever trusted you with. From my past and what happend to me when I was younger, to my mistakes and regrets. You have no idea how mad at you I was. I went through his facebook, we had given each other our passwords, (because he didn't trust me...oh the irony) and not only was he flirting with you, (he had claimed that he was 'just trying to make you feel better' which was bs) but you both were hanging out and judging by the conversation, you started using him too. I confronted him about it, and ended us. Eventually he realized that he didn't like you, that he never did, blahblahblah. I couldn't care less. If you don't know what you have until it's gone, you don't deserve it to begin with. Honestly, I couldn't do it anymore. I trusted you both with my entire life. You both had such a huge piece of me and then you two go and do this...
I want nothing to do with the both of you.
To this day I'm waiting for some of my stuff back from you. You know something? I am mad, I'm madder than heck that you think after everything I did for you, you turn around and do this. This is why I can't trust people. You are the very reason. I can't stand how you can come in to peoples' lives, use them and then ruin them for your own gain. I have never hated anyone in my life, not anyone, until you, I hate you. No one can comprehend why I hate you so much... and the simple reason: you couldn't even say sorry. You couldn't even just apologize and talk to me about it. I've given you many oppertunities, like last week in the hallway someone put a 'kick me' sign on your back, and it took everything I had in me to tell you. When you posted a depressing status and I told you I was here if you needed to talk. When you came and sat down at my lunch table, do you even understand how hard it was, and still is to not just turn you around and literally beat your face in? Because it is. I loved it when you threatned me. I wish you would swing at me, I wish you'd even look at me the wrong way. You can't. You can't even look me in the eye for more than a second without being scared. But the very worst part? That honestly, I should walk up to your ex and do the exact same thing you did to me, tell him everything you told me. You deserve it. If I got on the intercom at school and brodcasted it, I can honestly say you deserve it. Why won't I? Because deep down, I know I'm a good person. This whole experience has made me view myself as nothing but crap, but when I sit here and really look at it, it takes a huge person to not stoop to your level. It takes a big person to just say it's not worth it, and get on with my life. I accept it. It was messed up, you hurt me alot, and you deserve nothing but the worst, but you aren't worth my time. You're clearly not a good friend, and I'm sure my brilliant ex will see that soon enough.
You both deserve each other, and I deserve to be happy.
x0x_jay_x0x