Hello there and welcome to my profile. I have been a member here for a few years and to be honest I really miss the way it used to be, but oh well. A few years ago I tried to take my own life, I was extremly depressed and felt that there was no hope for myself so... I decided to try to take the easy way out lucky me, I failed, I'm not going to lie and say that I had a change of heart and I love my life and all that. Honestly there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what it would be like if I was gone but I'm not going to hang myself anytime soon. I self harm and am diagnosed with anerexia and bulimia. It may sound like I'm here to complain about my life but I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that im just like a lot of others on here and I'm always free to talk, yea I don't really have a social life, if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on or just a friendly chat ^.^ I love to help people. Ohh and another important thing..... I love skittlez and monster <3
More about me....
some of my favorite bands are Black Veil Brides, BOTDF, Mayday Parade, NeverShoutNever, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Suicide Silence, Attack Attack, Asking Alexandria, The Used, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Falling In Reverse, Motionless In White, and many many many more, as you can see music is a huge part of my life
Criminal Minds, The Big Bang Theroy, and Anime are the shiznit
and that's about it......0.0
I can’t do this anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Every time I get 2 steps forward in a good direction, somethings happens and i get pushed 5 steps back. When I wake up all I want to do is crawl back under the sheets, curl up into and cry until I’m completely numb. But I can’t I have to get up and plaster on a fake smile, hoping that people don’t ask about the long sleeves, because if they do I think I might just break down and cry. i don’t want to pretend anymore! I’m not okay, I hate my life, my body, my personality, hell I even hate my voice. The urges to cut my skin are sickening. All day everyday I sit in front of my computer and not feel anything because I cried my self to sleep the night before. I tell everyone I meet that they are amazing and special and have so much potential, because they do, but I look at my self in the mirror and see absolute disappointment, shame, and disgust. Nothing I do is ever good enough. My hair is never perfect. My weight is always to much. Forget about my makeup, it ends up smearing down my face by the end of the day anyway… I’m just ready to end it all, good night and goodbye.
this i what he sent me today, after i told him that i hated the way i look.... Okay, I think, no, I don't think I know that you are just so amazing and beautiful and I've thought this ever since the first day that I met you. When you walked into Mrs. Bardens class my heart just started racing and I couldn't get you outta my mind for literally 2 and a half weeks even then you were on my mind most of the day I just couldn't get your perfect face outta my mind everything about you is perfect you might not think so others might not but I do I think that you are so beautiful on the inside and out and the other day when I told you that you were beautiful, and you told me that I was the first person that has ever said that to you, I was sad and enraged at the fact that none of your ex's or anyone has ever told you that because it's true you are beautiful and I WILL tell you everyday so that you won't forget and when you told me that you liked Andrew it felt like a sniper shot right thou my heart and then it was slaughtered by a pick ax but I would do anything to make you happy so I got you two together and I tried to keep you guys together so that you would be happy because I really do care about you and your feelings... From the bottom of my heart I truly and sincerely love you.
through all the bullsh*t and the demise. i wanna just die! just die! people say suicide is commited in silence, well its been quite for far too long! im done gonna break out of this cage. break out from behind these bars all my life tried to be someone i dont know i just want to be me! so f*cking love me!! im done! its been quiet for too long! im gonna stand and shout it to the world "speak up!" stand up and scream! suicide isnt commited in silence! so listen! f*cking listen! speak up! shout it out! make yourself heard! i will be there for you... ill aways be there for you i know it needs a lot of work, but this is what i have so far. comments of how to improve would be appreciated thanks ^.^ love ya
those sleepless nights when all you want to do is fade away and leave everyone because it would just be easier on everyone. but you cant. so you end up staring at the wall until its time to get up and act like you got a full nights rest and nothings bothering you, even though you havent seen the one person that can make you smile and take the pain away, your mother has you making desicions that are to life changing to handle at this point and all you want to do is hide in under your sheets in a dark room and never come out, but you cant because thats all youve been doing for the past forever. you want to cut but dont have the energy and your so deep in a hole that even music doesnt really help. theres a knot in your trought all the time, a pain in your stomach. when people ask you whats wrong you cant help but break down and cry. your friends have given up trying to help and your family wants nothing to do with you because "your doing this for attention", and all you want to do is fade away, and it phyiscally hurts that you cant. i honestly dont care about the layout, font, or spelling if you really cant read a word angain dont care. im not trying to be mean but honestly get over it. side note we need the "VENT" option back.
Day Plan 1) eat until i feel as if i am on the verge of exploding 2) get dressed 3) sit at computer mindlessly staring at witty and Facebook 4) scare the neighbors with my awesome music (bvb, asking alexandria,...) 5) eat as if i may have to get my stomach pumped 6) drink caffeine, ALOT 7) take a nap 8) repeat until 4 a.m.
yes i am over 8 years old and will plan my entire day around a Disney movie. yes i am a girl, and i can skateboard yes i cut myself, but i always have a smile on my face yes i wear glasses, no i am not a hipster yes i am a living contradiction deal with it!
I did it i made the first cut i know its wrong and harmful, but i just cant seem to stop now. it felt soo good, like maybe if i did it again i could be normal? maybe if i picked up the razor another time i would be prettier? if i split my skin the bad memories would fade away as the blood seeped into he water. maybe, just maybe... i wouldn't hurt so much. </3
every day i come home, i see my mother; with a smile on her face, but pain in her heart. i see my brother; who used to be energetic ad lively, now he always looks like hes on the verge of crying. i see myself; trying to be strong for them but it never works. and when i see us i cant help but to think how easy it would be; a knife, a rope, the bathtub... i try to be strong but i just cant do it any more, faking a smile isn't easy. it hurts. it would be so easy...so...so...easy
My house burnt down at around 10:00 last night i was inside sleeping. The only reason I'm alive right now is because my brothers friend was home to save me and get me out of there. I know you guys were proably expecting me to say a brave fireman or police man but in relality it was David Smith. Thank you so much for being there for me, because I know I wouldnt have woken up. <3 You are my hero
My Crush: Saay your crushes naame 6 timees. Now, close your eyes and make a wish about them. Decide whaats more importaant: Love, or 10 million dollars. Now makee another wish about Love or Money. Repost this in 60 seconds with the subject " My Crush", And you'll get an unexpected taalk from your crush.