I'm done with the old me. I'm done with hurting, and I'm done with hurting other people. I'm done with nightmares, and crying. This new me doesn't push away friends. This new me doesn't lose people she loves, because she knows how to help them. This new girl, this girl everyone wants me to be, isn't me, but I'll fake it, because honestly, I'd rather have everyone like a fake me, than hate the real person I actually am, to me, that hurts more than anything else.
But somewhere along the line you changed, you stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good, and when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know, the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, it's a very mean and nasty place, I dont care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody, is going to hit as hard as life; but it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward.
I’m not the only kid who grew up this way, surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme about sticks and stones, as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called. And we got called them all so we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us, that we’d be lonely forever that we’d never meet someone to make us feel like the sun. Something they built for us in their tool shed, so broken heart strings bled the blues, as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing. Don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone. that an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away that there’s no way for it to metastasize.