Witty Profiles

toocooltofool

1. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   September 6, 2012 3:31pm UTC
   "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches."
   – Dita Von Teese
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 66 points
2. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   August 29, 2012 7:33pm UTC
   I wanna date a guy with a british accent before I die.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
3. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   August 13, 2012 2:16pm UTC
   You can never be too old for peanut butter & graham crackers. :P
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point
4. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   August 3, 2012 4:44pm UTC
   I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower on stage.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
5. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   August 2, 2012 1:38pm UTC
   That awkward moment when there is no awkward moment, you’re just awkward.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 0 points
6. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   August 1, 2012 10:39pm UTC
   "The trouble with quotes on the internet is it's difficult to determine if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 10 points
7. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   July 31, 2012 2:38pm UTC
   The Olympics are a great way of reminding myself of all the countries that I didn’t know existed.
   Plot twist: The queen locks everyone in the stadium and shouts “Happy hunger games!”
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
8. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   July 30, 2012 1:48pm UTC
   Thank God I found the good in goodbye.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
9. toocooltofool
   posted a quote
   July 30, 2012 1:13pm UTC
   That awkward moment when you wake up from a nap with one sock on.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
10. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 1:07pm UTC
    I wonder what Krabby Patties taste like.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point
11. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 29, 2012 8:30pm UTC
    Why is "patience" a virtue? Why can't "hurry the f**k up" be a virtue?
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points
12. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 28, 2012 11:37am UTC
    Still have a sore throat but I have a first date to get to. I sound like an old lady who's been smoking for 50 years, so I'm gonna be poppin throat drops half the time. Not even gonna over-compensate by wearing a low-cut top. Maybe I want this to fail...we'll see.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 4 points
13. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 24, 2012 11:42pm UTC
    If you let the refrigerator door gently shut on you it feels like a hug from a polar bear.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
14. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 23, 2012 9:01pm UTC
    My mom has been an operating room nurse for over 25 years and she's trained to use laser surgery equipment at work
    but she still needs me to help her find the rewind button on the Directtv remote.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point
15. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 11, 2012 3:42am UTC
    I hate you, then I love you.
    It's like I want to throw you off a cliff, then
    rush to the bottom and catch you. </3
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
16. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 10, 2012 12:42am UTC
    Twitter is the only place I can b*tch & complain and not care if someone unfriends me for being an annoying brat.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
17. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 6, 2012 10:50pm UTC
    A sharks brain looks the same as the female reproductive system. (Google it.)
    My period will now be called Shark Week.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
18. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 6, 2012 6:55pm UTC
    I only trust people who like big butts.
    Because they can not lie.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 457 points
19. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 6, 2012 4:00pm UTC
    My fb news feed right now:
    - People complaining about how hot it is outside.
    - People complaining about people complaining about how hot it is outside.
    - People complaining about people complaining about people complaining about how hot it is outside.
    Chicago weather sucks, it's either too hot or too cold. =/
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
20. toocooltofool
    posted a quote
    July 5, 2012 11:57pm UTC
    I wish I could illegally download handbags from the internet.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

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