Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

theWalrus

  1. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 21, 2013 8:07pm UTC
    Sometimes I say things like
    "It's cold as hell out here" and I don't even care.

  2. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 21, 2013 7:55pm UTC
    How to tell if a guy likes you:
    > He stares at you a lot
    > He uses the first thing that pops into his head to start a converstaion with you
    > He yelled, "HI" to your mom that day she picked you up from school
    > He tries to make you laugh anyway even if he gets hurt in the process
    > You hung up on him. He called you back
    > You where invited by him to a group outing
    > He called you to talk about nothing at all
    > He sacrifices his soul to satan for you
    > He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation
    > He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.
    > He uses every possible way to touch you (your hair, face, thighs, etc.)

  3. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 21, 2013 7:23pm UTC
    I wasn't able to eat for 12 hours today,
    and now I know what sadness tastes like. Nothing. It tastes like nothing.

  4. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2013 11:28pm UTC
    Witty changed and there's not massive backlash?
    THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US

  5. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2013 11:18pm UTC
    So, if you don't pay attention to its head,
    a cat is pretty much a loaf of bread

  6. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2013 7:01pm UTC
    I hope that when the world comes to an end,
    I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.

  7. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2013 1:10pm UTC
    Yesterday I ate nutella for dinner, in the back of a white van, with a spoon I stole.
    My life is so sketchy

  8. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2013 9:02pm UTC
    Starbucks is banning guns in their coffee shops
    and that'd be great if they can also ban people Instagramming their pumpkin spice lattès as well.

  9. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2013 9:00pm UTC
    All of the iphone users: fuc/king ios 7!
    Android people: LOLOLOLOLOLOL

  10. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2013 4:03pm UTC
    Me: Gets period
    Dentist: It's because you didn't floss

  11. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2013 4:00pm UTC
    "hey check out my vine"
    Man, people don't want to see that sh/t. Keep it in your pants.

  12. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 15, 2013 12:04pm UTC
    I have given up looking for anyone as a significant other
    seeing as it is both exhausting and non-rewarding,
    thank you, you may all withdraw your applications.

  13. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2013 8:40pm UTC
    "Can I get an amen?"
    I'll take a three-men, holla!

  14. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2013 8:05pm UTC
    twitter?
    I don't know man, I hardly know her.

  15. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2013 12:38pm UTC
    Man, two days ago it was 95 degrees outside,
    today it's 50. I'm just going to move to the North pole.
    At least the weather is consistent there.

  16. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 12, 2013 9:55pm UTC
    When I make a quote that no one likes:
    LOOK AT IT
    LOOK AT IT
    I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LOOK AT IT

  17. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 12, 2013 9:51pm UTC
    Krispy Kreme's
    "hot donunts now"
    sign might as well be the bat signal for how I respond to it.

  18. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 12, 2013 9:45pm UTC
    There was a wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband,
    “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?”
    The husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”

  19. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 12, 2013 9:37pm UTC
    "Hey do you have a vine?"
    yea man, I just don't know why you are so interested in my grape growing business though

  20. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 12, 2013 9:32pm UTC
    I like my coffee like I like my markets.
    Black.

:)

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2024 Witty Profiles