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theWalrus

Status:

Member Since: 31 Dec 2011 12:03am

Last Seen: 7 Dec 2014 10:24pm

user id: 257595

392 Quotes
1,292 Favorites
179 Following
135 Followers
55 Comment Points
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  1. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    February 26, 2014 10:20pm UTC
    Job interview:
    *What are your hobbies*
    I do a lot of community service
    I get straight As
    I'm the supreme ruler of hell
    I was in the marching band
    And I play soccer too

  2. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    February 26, 2014 9:27pm UTC
    I don't even have to try to be funny to make people laugh.
    All I have to do is tell them about my week.
    Because my whole life is joke.

  3. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    February 15, 2014 5:50pm UTC
    Any size pizza
    can be a personal size if you're lonely enough

  4. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    February 13, 2014 7:01pm UTC
    *Me every other year*
    Alone on Valentine's day again. Bummer.
    *This year*
    Guy: Hey do you want to go out to eat on valenti...
    Me: Could you not.

  5. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    January 25, 2014 4:00pm UTC
    Lonely person problem:
    Not sure if my phone is broken or if no one has texted me for 3 days

  6. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    January 24, 2014 10:27am UTC
    Wow,
    It's almost as cold as my soul outside

  7. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    January 16, 2014 7:41pm UTC
    I like my men how I like my coffee,
    ground up and in the freezer

  8. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 17, 2013 5:07pm UTC
    If an old fat man with a white beard
    wakes you up in the middle of the night and puts you in a sack
    You should probably be afraid because I hired an assassin

  9. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 12, 2013 8:10pm UTC
    Guys, please pray for my boyfriend.
    He's in the hospital suffering from a severe case of non-existence. Thank you for your support

  10. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 9, 2013 3:32pm UTC
    I'd like to open an all you can eat restaurant
    but just give people one serving and tell them that's all they can eat

  11. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 9, 2013 12:31pm UTC
    life motto for finals week:
    thick headbands are for hiding dirty hair.

  12. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 8, 2013 7:05pm UTC
    My life
    has just been a 19 year long game
    of avoiding anyone who might want to talk to me.

  13. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 8, 2013 7:01pm UTC
    I don't think you have any idea what it's like to be in my shoes.
    I honestly don't think you've ever experienced anything like this.
    I mean, they're just so comfortable. My feet never hurt.
    Have you ever felt anything so soft?

  14. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 6, 2013 9:23pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  15. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    December 1, 2013 5:36pm UTC
    I made sure to not fluff up the Christmas tree too much
    on the bottom to ensure my BMW would fit under it

  16. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    November 26, 2013 10:41pm UTC
    Life Rule:
    If the people I'm seeing today haven't seen me
    in these clothes this week,
    they're clean clothes.

  17. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    November 23, 2013 7:17pm UTC
    I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life by
    myself after I bury your body in my backyard

  18. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    November 22, 2013 4:40pm UTC
    Not to get technical,
    but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution

  19. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    November 14, 2013 8:29pm UTC
    Some nights I'm like:
    F/ck yea, I'm so awesome
    Then other nights I'm like:
    D': WHY DOES MY FACE HAVE TO LOOK LIKE THIS

  20. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    November 14, 2013 7:36pm UTC
    My single best talent:
    Being friendly to people then avoiding them the rest of my life

:)

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