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theWalrus

Status:

Member Since: 31 Dec 2011 12:03am

Last Seen: 7 Dec 2014 10:24pm

user id: 257595

392 Quotes
1,294 Favorites
179 Following
135 Followers
56 Comment Points
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  1. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    October 11, 2014 1:52pm EDT
    I don't want to be a millionaire,
    I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas

  2. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 26, 2014 1:05am EDT
    Graduating with a major in business
    and a minor in possession of alcohol

  3. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 26, 2014 1:00am EDT
    Shoutout to my liver
    for working harder than my brain

  4. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 24, 2014 11:02am EDT
    Told this guy to text me when he got home,
    he must be homeless or something

  5. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 23, 2014 5:09pm EDT
    Whenever you feel you're having a bad day,
    Remember that kid from airbud
    who who got cut from the basketball team
    to make room for a golden retriever

  6. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 23, 2014 2:59pm EDT
    Student carrying backpacks after 9pm:
    8% going to library
    92% transporting illegal substances

  7. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 23, 2014 2:57pm EDT
    I bring my litmus paper to parties
    to test how basic the b\tches are

  8. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2014 12:21am EDT
    Everyone around me is like
    I'm so heartbroken, I thought he loved me
    And I'm just here like
    The radiative equilibrium for the Earth is 255K

  9. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2014 12:03pm EDT
    If I hear one more friend say
    "i'm so broke" then post concert pictures every month,
    I swear I'm going to jump out of the duct taped hole in my window

  10. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 4, 2014 10:55pm EDT
    In class today:
    Teacher: Mike, can you give us a summary of the story?
    Mike: ... so this guys neighbor was a little bit of an as.shole
    Teacher: Come on, a little bit?
    Mike:Ok he was an as.shole
    Teacher: You can do better
    Mike: Ok he was a complete as.shole
    Mike: There's no other way to put it

  11. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2014 10:25pm EDT
    I really don't like touching people very much
    and this one time I went on a date with a guy
    and he tried to hug me at the end and as he leaned in
    I grabbed his hand and just gave him a hand shake
    and then gave a thumbs up and left him standing there
    and If this doesn't describe my life I don't know what does

  12. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2014 10:16pm EDT
    It makes me sad
    that I only feel safe running alone with pepper spray,
    and I still won't even run trails alone no matter what,
    because of how many female runners get attacked.
    Yet my guy friends still laugh at me for being 'paranoid'
    And I don't know I just want to punch them in the throat

  13. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2014 10:08pm EDT
    Ok,
    so can someone tell me how all of my weird childhood friends got hot?

  14. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 15, 2014 7:11pm EDT
    Today I got whistled at 3 times while I was running
    The worst part is i'm pretty sure it was sarcastic

  15. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 12, 2014 5:13pm EDT
    When my mom buys food so good that
    I have to eat it all before my siblings do:
    The real hunger games

  16. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 11, 2014 8:36pm EDT
    Finals Week:
    Thick headbands are for hiding dirty hair
    Summer:
    Updos are for hiding peeling scalp pieces

  17. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 9, 2014 3:31pm EDT
    Why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella?
    Fo Drizzle

  18. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 8, 2014 10:59am EDT
    The name's Banks.
    Robin Banks

  19. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    July 1, 2014 7:27pm EDT
    I like my men like the Mississippi River:
    long, strong, and ready to rock my boat.

  20. theWalrus theWalrus
    posted a quote
    June 25, 2014 10:43pm EDT
    Is it the weekend?
    Yes No
    l l
    l Is it a monday?
    l Yes No
    l l l
    l l Are you trying to impress someone?
    l l No Yes
    l l l l
    l l l Is it the love of your life?
    l l l No Yes
    l l l l l
    l l l l Really?
    l l l l No Yes
    l l l l l l
    l l l l l Then they will love
    l l l l l you for who you are
    l l l l l l
    Wear Sweatpants

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