Four months without him.
It's been 4 months without you. that seems insane to me. it seems like it was yesterday that you were sending me cute emails and telling me how badly you wanted to touch me or to smell me. It's crazy to think where you would be now. I miss you so much it's crazy. I guess i've been trying to deal with the thought that you are gone but i can't really. Over an over i tell myself you are in the hospital and one day you will come back and call me baby and you'll blush when i call you alexywalexy because you call me a poet or you'll tell me how much you love the petname baby waby. It's insane to think i'll never see you again. Honestly that just makes me get a huge lump in my throat. What is life like without you? where are you? I wish i knew. This is the first time in a long time that i wished i believed in "God" i think it would be easier i could look up at teh sky and imagine you there. But instead i'm just a lost boy looking for his best friend. Iva and i haven't been doing so well, i remember those times when you went so far to find her for me, i never said thank you enough. i go back and through this and i just i look at how amazing you were. You said you were in love with me, and i felt it. We only fought once and that was my fault at missing you, if you see this i hope you know i wish we never fought. i never told you because i was terrified of love, but Alexander i am in love with you too. It's really hard you know? to get over someone who died loving you. I think a part of me will always be yours. I'm getting a ring its just solid silver or white gold and its going to have yoru name on the inside adn ill wear it on a chain or on my finger. I have a tattoo it faintly says AF on my ankle i hope to ad onto that and do something more about that too like a picture or something. It;s been really rough without you i can't believe it's been 4 months... I found a guy he made me really happy his name is Danny. H's sweet he reminds me a lot of you, i think if you were here you and him would be friends if like there wasn't me. I'm not sure where i'm going in life yet i draw your name and the date you died on my hand still every day. people think its weird others think its really cute and special. I'm getting that quote on a necklace as well i dont care if it's girly i miss you you made me feel okay. I don't know if i was ever as happy as i was in january. i remember when i switched schools how concerned you were you stayed up all night with me. Danny does that too he stays up with me. We used to date him and i, but right now i think we're trying to be friends. I don't think i'm over you i don't know if i'll ever be. it's really hard. i miss your everything. I just want to wake up and go on aim and you be like Hey baby!!! and then just that feeling. I miss you so much Alex. I will love you until the end of time BabyWaby <3
Rest in Paradise Alexander Fruk
May 4th, 2013
I Love You.
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