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  1. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    February 7, 2014 5:08pm UTC
    me:i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
    me:wakes up march 27th, 2098.

  2. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    December 12, 2013 1:44pm UTC
    your mums pregnancy scan was basically your first nu.de

  3. BravoSierra BravoSierra
    posted a quote
    February 28, 2014 12:34pm UTC
    I just saw a little girl get a "You're #1" sticker.
    She read it, "You're hashtag one."
    We're doomed.

  4. dreamer* dreamer*
    posted a quote
    January 7, 2014 9:22am UTC
    What if we all looked the way we wanted?
    Our ideal weight became reality, our worries about
    money washed away.Your love life is exactly the
    way you pictured it.Do you think we’d all be happier?
    Or would we just find new things to hate?

  5. 伤* 伤*
    posted a quote
    March 1, 2014 8:04pm UTC
    how do people approach celebrities on the street like i can’t even approach a worker in a store when i need help

  6. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    January 10, 2014 1:08pm UTC
    "I wish people could just say how they feel like ‘Hey I really don’t like when you do that to me’ or ‘Hey I’m in love with you’ or ‘Hi I really miss you and I think about you all the time’ without sounding desperate. Why can’t everyone be painfully honest and just save people the trouble."

  7. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    January 2, 2014 2:41pm UTC
    hoes be like "hoes be like" but they be the hoes that be like

  8. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    December 12, 2013 10:09pm UTC
    you guys don't understand. witty in 2011 & 2012 was sick.

  9. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    December 14, 2013 3:21pm UTC
    Friends Mum:Oh you watch BBC Sherlock?
    Me:Religiously, do you?
    Friends Mum:I do too! It's brilliant.
    Me:I know right? And the actors are amazing.
    Friends Mum:Benedict Cumberbatch, isn't that his name?
    Me:That's him, I idolize the man...
    Friends Mum:I want him to tie me too a chair and just talk to me with that voice of his...
    Friends Mum:
    Friends Mum:
    Friends Mum:
    Friends Mum:
    Me:Me too.
    Friends Mum:I wont tell your parents if you don't tell my kids.

  10. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    April 25, 2014 9:48am UTC
    My BFF Coming out to her 89 Year old Grandmother
    BFF:Grandmother I need to talk to you
    Grandma:[concerned voice] What? What is it? Are you sick?
    BFF:No, no. Grandma. I'm gay.
    BFF:I'm gay Grandma. I have a girlfriend now.
    Grandma:[relieved voice] Oh honey, is that all? I thought you had cancer. Anytime someone needs to tell me something they are sick. Who's your girlfriend, when is her birthday? I'll bake her a pie.

  11. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    December 23, 2013 4:04pm UTC
    i never understood how in movies the parents didnt believe in Santa but he was actually real like who the f-ck did the parents think put the presents under the tree like what

  12. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    February 28, 2014 4:04pm UTC
    i wonder how people describe me when they’re talking about me to someone who’s never met me

  13. spence* spence*
    posted a quote
    March 17, 2014 2:10pm UTC
    Wear shirt two times: Dirty
    Wear hoodie every day for three months: Still clean.

  14. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    December 22, 2013 1:28pm UTC
    yeah so i was at my friends house (hes a guy) and his parents weren’t home so we broke into his dad booze cabinet and started drinking. we ended up cudding and watching re-runs of full house, and he told me he loved me and i was like youre just drunk and he said ‘yeah but im not saying it because im drunk. im saying it as fact, it is 54 degrees outside, the ocean is salty, and i love you’ and i was like dayum son and thats the story of how i lost my virginity.
    OH GOD

  15. anchorage* anchorage*
    posted a quote
    February 3, 2014 12:24am UTC
    Teacher:"Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"
    Me:Someone told me to go to hell.
    Me:Couldn't find it at first .
    Me:But now I'm here.

  16. BlackButterflies BlackButterflies
    posted a quote
    February 1, 2014 10:55pm UTC
    i was at the park and i walked past two parents and their little girl who was about 2 years old. when her mum and dad's backs were turned she somehow managed to remove her trousers, throw them behind her and begin to dance in a way that i can only compare to a very small, happy wombat trying to catch a butterfly. her parents turned around and saw what she was doing and i sh/t you not they both yelled at the exact same time "NO! NO, THE PARK IS A 'PANTS-ON PARTY'!"
    she stuck out her tongue, picked up her jeans from the ground and said, "it isn't a party if the pants are on."

  17. capsized* capsized*
    posted a quote
    December 19, 2013 9:18pm UTC
    1. Notice that your body is covered in skin.
    2. Say, "Wow, I'm skinny."
    Congratulations, you're skinny.

  18. yourcool yourcool
    posted a quote
    January 17, 2014 7:09am UTC
    the head of a company survived 9/11 because
    his son started kindergarten.
    another fellow was alive because it was
    his turn to bring donuts.
    one woman was late because her
    alarm clock didn't go off in time.
    one was late because of being stuck in the NJ turnpike
    because of an auto accident.
    one of them
    missed his bus.
    one spilled food on her clothes and had to take
    time to change.
    car wouldn't start.
    one couldn't
    get a taxi.
    the one that stuck me the most was the man
    who put on a new pair of shoes that morning.
    took the various means to get to work but before
    he got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
    he stopped at a drugstore to buy a band-aid.
    that is what he is alive today...
    now when i am
    stuck in traffic
    miss an elevator,
    turn back to answer a ringing telephone...
    all the little things that annoy me,
    i think to myself,
    this is exaclty where
    i'm meant to be
    at the very moment.

  19. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    January 25, 2014 2:38pm UTC
    "My brain has no heart, and my heart has no brain. That’s why when I speak my mind, I appear heartless, and when I do what’s in my heart, I seem thoughtless."

  20. _Jannette _Jannette
    posted a quote
    December 9, 2013 8:38pm UTC
    I wish people looked like
    their personalities
    Jannette's Format. DO not remove.


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