spottedleaf's Favorites

spottedleaf

happiest*
posted a quote
February 7, 2014 5:08pm UTC

me:i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
me:wakes up march 27th, 2098.

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happiest*
posted a quote
December 12, 2013 1:44pm UTC

your mums pregnancy scan was basically your first nu.de

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
February 28, 2014 12:34pm UTC

I just saw a little girl get a "You're #1" sticker.
She read it, "You're hashtag one."
We're doomed.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 133 points

dreamer*
posted a quote
January 7, 2014 9:22am UTC

What if we all looked the way we wanted?
Our ideal weight became reality, our worries about
money washed away.Your love life is exactly the
way you pictured it.Do you think we’d all be happier?
Or would we just find new things to hate?

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伤*
posted a quote
March 1, 2014 8:04pm UTC

how do people approach celebrities on the street like i can’t even approach a worker in a store when i need help

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happiest*
posted a quote
January 10, 2014 1:08pm UTC

"I wish people could just say how they feel like ‘Hey I really don’t like when you do that to me’ or ‘Hey I’m in love with you’ or ‘Hi I really miss you and I think about you all the time’ without sounding desperate. Why can’t everyone be painfully honest and just save people the trouble."

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 148 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
January 2, 2014 2:41pm UTC

hoes be like "hoes be like" but they be the hoes that be like

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 144 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
December 12, 2013 10:09pm UTC

you guys don't understand. witty in 2011 & 2012 was sick.

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happiest*
posted a quote
December 14, 2013 3:21pm UTC

Friends Mum:Oh you watch BBC Sherlock?
Me:Religiously, do you?
Friends Mum:I do too! It's brilliant.
Me:I know right? And the actors are amazing.
Friends Mum:Benedict Cumberbatch, isn't that his name?
Me:That's him, I idolize the man...
Friends Mum:I want him to tie me too a chair and just talk to me with that voice of his...
Me:
Friends Mum:
Me:
Friends Mum:
Me:
Friends Mum:
Me:
Friends Mum:
Me:Me too.
Friends Mum:I wont tell your parents if you don't tell my kids.

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happiest*
posted a quote
April 25, 2014 9:48am UTC

My BFF Coming out to her 89 Year old Grandmother
BFF:Grandmother I need to talk to you
Grandma:[concerned voice] What? What is it? Are you sick?
BFF:No, no. Grandma. I'm gay.
Grandma:What?
BFF:I'm gay Grandma. I have a girlfriend now.
Grandma:[relieved voice] Oh honey, is that all? I thought you had cancer. Anytime someone needs to tell me something they are sick. Who's your girlfriend, when is her birthday? I'll bake her a pie.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 182 points

happiest*
posted a quote
December 23, 2013 4:04pm UTC

i never understood how in movies the parents didnt believe in Santa but he was actually real like who the f-ck did the parents think put the presents under the tree like what

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happiest*
posted a quote
February 28, 2014 4:04pm UTC

i wonder how people describe me when they’re talking about me to someone who’s never met me

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spence*
posted a quote
March 17, 2014 2:10pm UTC

Wear shirt two times: Dirty
Wear hoodie every day for three months: Still clean.

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happiest*
posted a quote
December 22, 2013 1:28pm UTC

yeah so i was at my friends house (hes a guy) and his parents weren’t home so we broke into his dad booze cabinet and started drinking. we ended up cudding and watching re-runs of full house, and he told me he loved me and i was like youre just drunk and he said ‘yeah but im not saying it because im drunk. im saying it as fact, it is 54 degrees outside, the ocean is salty, and i love you’ and i was like dayum son and thats the story of how i lost my virginity.
OH GOD

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anchorage*
posted a quote
February 3, 2014 12:24am UTC

Teacher:"Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"
Me:Someone told me to go to hell.
Me:Couldn't find it at first .
Me:But now I'm here.

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BlackButterflies
posted a quote
February 1, 2014 10:55pm UTC

i was at the park and i walked past two parents and their little girl who was about 2 years old. when her mum and dad's backs were turned she somehow managed to remove her trousers, throw them behind her and begin to dance in a way that i can only compare to a very small, happy wombat trying to catch a butterfly. her parents turned around and saw what she was doing and i sh/t you not they both yelled at the exact same time "NO! NO, THE PARK IS A 'PANTS-ON PARTY'!"
she stuck out her tongue, picked up her jeans from the ground and said, "it isn't a party if the pants are on."

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capsized*
posted a quote
December 19, 2013 9:18pm UTC

HOW TO BE SKINNY
1. Notice that your body is covered in skin.
2. Say, "Wow, I'm skinny."
Congratulations, you're skinny.

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yourcool
posted a quote
January 17, 2014 7:09am UTC

the head of a company survived 9/11 because
his son started kindergarten.
another fellow was alive because it was
his turn to bring donuts.
one woman was late because her
alarm clock didn't go off in time.
one was late because of being stuck in the NJ turnpike
because of an auto accident.
one of them
missed his bus.
one spilled food on her clothes and had to take
time to change.
one's
car wouldn't start.
one couldn't
get a taxi.
the one that stuck me the most was the man
who put on a new pair of shoes that morning.
took the various means to get to work but before
he got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
he stopped at a drugstore to buy a band-aid.
that is what he is alive today...
now when i am
stuck in traffic
miss an elevator,
turn back to answer a ringing telephone...
all the little things that annoy me,
i think to myself,
this is exaclty where
i'm meant to be
at the very moment.

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happiest*
posted a quote
January 25, 2014 2:38pm UTC

"My brain has no heart, and my heart has no brain. That’s why when I speak my mind, I appear heartless, and when I do what’s in my heart, I seem thoughtless."

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_Jannette
posted a quote
December 9, 2013 8:38pm UTC

I wish people looked like
their personalities
Jannette's Format. DO not remove.

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spottedleaf